Rosenstein Tells Nunes To Eat Shit. Wonkagenda For Wed., May 2, 2018

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

What's left of Trump's incompetent legal team was scrambling in March after Mueller threatened to subpoena Trump. In response, Jay Sekulow drew up a list of 49 questions he thought Mueller might ask -- the same questions that were leaked yesterday. My goodness what a coincidence that Mueller leaked them too.

None of Trump's lawyers have the security clearance they need to see all the shit Trump is ALLEGEDLY involved with. LOLOLOL

Lawyers for Paul Manafort are saying that they've been told Mueller doesn't have any evidence of Russian fuckery, and that makes Jay Sekulow's questions even more confusing!

Meanwhile, over in Ukraine, four different investigations into Manafort's Russian fuckery seemingly stopped right around the same time Trump sold some fancy anti-tank weapons.

Legal scholars are starting to wonder why Mueller hasn't asked Ivanka to come in for a chat, suggesting that he may be saving the best for last.

Deputy AG Rod Rosenstein was talking to C-SPAN at the Newseum and told Devin Nunes and his House Freedom fuckers to take a flying fuck at a rolling donut.

The legal costs of Trump-Russia have left Trump's former campaign stooge Michael Caputo living in A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.

Trump's weirdo doctor is telling reporters that Trump told him to write that bonkers letter declaring him healthy, and that after he said Trump takes meds to stop his hair lossKeith Schiller showed up with a Trump Org lawyer to "raid" his office for medical records.

Scott Pruitt's scheming security chief, Pasquale Perrotta, and his grifty ex-banker buddy, Albert Kelly, were suddenly quit-fired just as the New York Times got its hands on an email from Pruitt's old lobbyist landlord asking to put three people on the EPA's Science Advisory board.

Scott Pruitt's $100,000 trip to Morocco to pitch the benefits of natural gas was set up by Pruitt's old friend (read: a lobbyist).

Despite 11 federal investigations (and counting), Scott Pruitt says he's doing God's work.

YES THERE'S MORE SCOTT PRUITT! He tried to build a super secret office in Tulsa, complete with 24/7 security, a SCIF, and a conference room. The current EPA office in Tulsa is just two people.

A bank that Jared Kushner used to own lent him MILLIONS for real estate projects, so it's a good thing an SEC investigation into their financial fuckery was squashed last year.

Corey Lewandowski is running around DC telling everyone Trump wants Lewandowski for Chief of Staff, that way Trump can move John Kelly to the VA, and Corey can find himself a new girlfriend!

Seven states are suing the federal government in an effort to kill DACA. That way they can send all those little brown boys and girls back to their "shithole countries."

Over the last 15 years, border agents have killed a lot of people, some far from the actual borders, some of them execution style, and some of them with local militias.

NICE TIME: One of the white supremacists from last year's Charlottesville protests has been found guilty of malicious wounding in the beating of DeAndre Harris.

The US Office of Special Counsel has found that Republican FCC Commissioner Michael O'Rielly violated the Hatch Act when he told people to vote for Trump, but they're not going to do anything about it.

Ex-con and West Virginia Republican Senate candidate Don Blankenship says that he wasn't being racist when he called Mitch McConnell's father-in-law a "wealthy Chinaperson," but he is (a little) sorry for airing that "cocaine Mitch" ad. At a Fox News debate, Blankenship said he wouldn't support McConnell as the Senate's Republican leader.

Mike Pence went to Arizona to hold a rally, and made sure to give a quick shoutout to his "great friend" Sheriff Joe Arpaio. #HesRunning2020

A new pro-Trump super PAC is laying into Montana's Democratic Sen. Jon Tester for being mean to Ronny "The Candyman" Jackson.

Mike Pence is worried that his top aide, Nick Ayers, could be wrapped up in Missouri Republican Gov. Eric Greitens's sex scandal as Ayers was the ringmaster in Greitens's 2015 gubernatorial campaign.

People in Illinois Republican Gov. Bruce Rauner's office thought about blaming an outbreak of Legionnaires Disease in a VA home on Sen. Tammy Duckworth, because they're total pieces of shit.

Teachers in Arizona are hoping to resume classes on Thursday, provided the state legislature passes a budget that increases education funding. #RedForEd.

Gibson guitars filed for Chapter 11, and is now owned by credit companies. SIGH :(

Kanye went super-cray yesterday and showed up at the TMZ office to declare that slavery was a choice for blacks folks. It wasn't, that's why we call it "slavery."

Amazon CEO and super rich guy Jeff Bezos wants to take his "Amazon winnings" and join the space pissing contest.

Russian Internet trolls have been trying to derail US energy production efforts by tricking hippies into showing up for interstate oil/gas pipeline protests. They've also found a way to track people by using your laptop GPS.

Facebook fired a security engineer who was using the platform to stalk women.

Facebook hopes that an audit by lawyers from the ACLU will convince you it's not violating your civil rights when it spies on you. They're  also bringing in former Arizona Republican Sen. Jon Kyl to make sure they're not being too mean to conservatives in tin-foil hats.

Mark Zuckerberg downloaded the Obama program to give an impassioned speech about all the fun new things Facebook is trying to do, like supporting journalism without actually paying publishers.

ProPublica has a step-by-step guide to finding out what data brokers like Cambridge Analytica know about you, but it's a pain in the ass.

And here's your morning Nice Time! 360 degrees of penguins!

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Follow Dominic on Twitter for pretty pictures!

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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