Roy Moore Accuser Wrote Date In Yearbook, So Obviously All Women Are Forging Liars

Open the door for your (*sigh*) Mystery Date!

Looks like we're going to have to discard all the well-sourced journalism about Roy Moore's habit of dating teen girls -- which local journalists found was common knowledge in the '70s and '80s around Gadsden, Alabama -- not to mention the claims by Leigh Corfman that Moore molested her when she was 14. You see, one of Moore's accusers, Beverly Nelson Young, who said Moore attempted to rape her in his car when she was 16 -- clarified one part of her story on ABC News's Good Morning America today, and that blows all the allegations to smithereens. Nelson said today that she had added the date and location to Moore's inscription in her high school yearbook, and that, obviously, proves that she lied about everything, so did all the other women, and in fact there's really no point in even having an election Tuesday, now is there?

Nelson explained that while Moore had indeed signed her yearbook in 1977, and that he wrote "To a sweeter, more beautiful girl I could not say “Merry Christmas.” Christmas 1977. Love, Roy Moore," she had added the date and location underneath, "12-22-77 / Olde Hickory House" -- the restaurant where she worked. That would explain why the numeral "7" looks different in the two dates.

Fox News was quick to report the story with complete accuracy:

After the entire Internet yelled that you can't really "forge" what you admit is your own handwriting, Fox later changed its headline from "admits she forged part of yearbook inscription" to "wrote" on its website, although the URL still includes "forged":

The Stupidest Man on the Internet, Jim Hoft, insists Nelson and her attorney, Gloria Allred, should be charged with "fraud" for having claimed Moore signed the yearbook, especially now that we know the yearbook inscription and signature are 100% fake. Which of course isn't even close to what Nelson said, but if you go nitpicking every last detail your conspiracy theory will fall apart. We hate to go all "Columbo" on Mr. Hoft, but if the yearbook inscription were a forgery, wouldn't any smart forger have done the whole thing in a single hand? Sometimes things just occur to us like that.

Donald Trump Jr., the Smartest Presidential Son Named "Donald," wants to know more! Like, did Gloria Allred TELL Nelson to add the date and the location?

Or did Hillary Clinton do it while selling uranium to the Russians, hmmmm?

Allred held a news conference this afternoon in which she said a forensic document expert, Arthur Anthony, had examined the signature and determined it was Moore's. She also said that after the first presser she held with Nelson, in November, she had written to the Senate Ethics Committee and offered to have Nelson testify under oath, at which time the yearbook would be turned over to the committee for analysis.

Clearly, since Nelson didn't mention adding the date and location to the inscription in that first press conference, Roy Moore is now proven innocent, as is Donald Trump, because all women are despicable lying sinbuckets, just like the Bible says they are.

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[ / ABC News / CBS News / Gateway Pundit]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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