Morning Wonketariat! Rebecca says to remind Pocatello, SHE'S BUYIN' TONIGHT, and Helena, you're on deck for tomorrow for the 2017 Wonkette Beach Bum World Tour's FINAL STOP! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today, but first, here's a good boy presidenting!


After Sean Hannity defended Roy Moore ALLEGEDLY molesting multiple girls in the late 1970s, he got into a Twitter fight with Jake Tapper about the "context" of "consensual" child molestation. He then led off his show with an apology for OUR misunderstanding of HIS defense of Roy Moore diddling kids. Seriously.

Breitbart is clinging to Moore's nuts so hard they might as well be his third testicle, insisting they know he couldn't have molested a 14-year-old girl because WaPo is "fake news," or whatever.

Steve Bannon is calling bullshit on the Roy Moore kiddie fondling story, saying it's no more a problem than the Access Hollywood tape, a disturbingly accurate comparison.

Yep, even Ann Coulter is defending Roy Moore, stating that, back in the old'n timey days, dudes used to molest children all the time. No biggie.

Mitch McConnell and a slew of other Republicans are asking Roy Moore to "You're Fired" himself from the Alabama Senate race, but they may not have a choice as Alabama has a storied history of awful creepo politicians. [Morning Maddow]

Even Trump's White House is signaling that Roy Moore should bail out of Alabama's Senate race (but only "if" it's true).

Yes, Roy Moore is actually fundraising off of ALLEGATIONS that he molested children.

Michael Flynn and his kid are completely fucked now that Bob Mueller is investigating Flynn for trying to kidnap a Muslim cleric and ship him off to a Turkish prison.

Robert Mueller and his team of extraordinary investigators have had a chat with Stephen Miller, Trump's racist little gofer.

The "dirt" on Hillary Clinton that Little Donnie tried to get from that Russian lawyer lady was apparently obtained by Fusion GPS, the same firm that produced THE DOSSIER, that would have exposed -- wait for it -- rich donors. LOL WAT, if true.

The mystery woman who tried to trap George Papadopoulos in a honey pot, claimed to be Putin's niece, and tried to set up a meeting between Trump and the Kremlin has been ID'd as Olga Vinogradova (assuming, of course, that's her real name).

The Senate released its version of the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich), but there's a couple problems that are pissing off Trump, Paul Ryan, and the House Freedom crazies, like not repealing health care, and limiting the damage of all the poor-fucking corporate tax cuts.

Farmers are grabbing their pitchforks and marching on the White House in an effort to save NAFTA.

More than a dozen Republicans are calling on congressional leaders to do something to help DACA recipients -- even if they aren't really sure what DACA means.

Kris Kobach and his commission on voter fraud are being sued by Maine Secretary of State Matthew Dunlap over keeping Democratic members in the dark about how they're throwing all the non-white people off voter rolls.

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! Late last night, the Senate unanimously passed legislation for mandatory sexual harassment training for all senators and aides each session. The measure falls short of changing how the Hill deals with harassment complaints, but it's a start.

The Mormon faithful and Republican mega donors are gripping handfuls of cash in anticipation of Mitt Romney throwing his magic hat into Utah's 2018 Senate race.

A Trump family aide and HUD official says that Trump wants to revoke the tax-exempt status from the Church of Scientology. At least we can agree on something.

A Michigan state rep. and Betsy DeVos minion nominated by Trump for a top spot at the Department of Education has been yanked after someone "LEAKED" his old public blog posts that outlined his hatred of Muslims, college women, preschool and Head Start. Who the hell hates preschool? (They do. For "reasons.")

VA Secretary David Shulkin says that taxpayers didn't pay for his wife's food and fancy plane trips, despite evidence to the contrary.

Late this morning, US officials confirmed that a missile fired by Yemeni rebels targeting the Saudi capital came from Iran.

Russia will now restrict US media working within its borders, and is considering making reporters and media members register as foreign agents.

Clearly dodging doctors' orders not to walk on his bone spurs, Trump bitched in Vietnam about trade, and all the countries violating trade deals with the US -- and he would know all about violating agreements.

Saudi Arabia is telling telling its citizens to GTFO of Lebanon, and there's rumors that the Lebanese premiere has been kidnapped by the Saudis. WHOA, if true.

Snub-nosed Reaganites are bemoaning the loss of civility in politics after Tuesday, with a snot-nosed Scarborough sobbing in WaPo about the good old days (again). Meanwhile, over as the WSJ, Dame Peggington is spilling her gin as she gestures wildly at the teevee and wonders where it all went wrong. [Archive]

Here's some special nice time that the backstory behind that photo of Danica Roem falling to her knees on election night. Thanks, Uncle Joe.

And here's your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert was one of the few men in late night with the balls to call out Louis CK; James Corden wonders if Trump's trying to get some MORE Not American help for the next election; Jimmy Kimmel encouraged people to sign-up for healthcare; Seth Meyers caught a couple missed details in the Trump taxes; The Daily Show found an analogy that made Trevor Noah miss apartheid; Jordan Klepper called out gross sex perverts in politics and showbiz, and sounded an alarm on Puerto Rican refugees moving moving to swing states; Sarah Silverman had a bald eagle explain featherless human privilege, and had an emotional monologue about divisiveness that you should watch.

And here's your morning Nice Time! KOALAS!

Freedom isn't free, but Yr Wonkette is! Throw us some Ameros so things stay that way!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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