Rudy And His Hairballs Probably Already Thinkin' Up Some Good Old Lies About Bernie Sanders

Here's something to think about heading into the weekend, in context of Trump being impeached and then "acquitted" in a Moscow (Mitch) show trial for extorting Ukraine for an announcement of investigations into Joe Biden. You remember Joe Biden: He's the guy who, until really the last couple of weeks, appeared to be first in line for the Democratic nomination.

It's something that's been on our minds, as we've learned about Rudy Giuliani's sexcapades around the globe working with some of the most unsavory characters imaginable to gin up fake dirt on Biden — followed by Trump's "perfect call" with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy and his firing of Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch (who was standing in the way of his "deliverable"). Trump has been pursuing the announcement of Biden investigations for ages, since before Biden even officially announced his candidacy, going all the way back to the last president of Ukraine.

After all, Joe Biden was set to beat the shit out of Trump in November 2020, right? That's obviously what Trump thought.

Now, after an absolute shitshow in Iowa, it appears that Bernie Sanders and Pete Buttigieg have jointly "won" those caucuses. It appears, going into New Hampshire, that those same two are running neck-and-neck there, with Pete especially surging from where he was just a few weeks ago. Regardless, they both look strong, whereas Biden looks ... fourth place. That could all change in South Carolina, mind you! But primary voters are a persnickety lot, and if somebody starts looking like a big loser, their supporters in upcoming primary states often run for the hills and into the arms of other candidates.

So the question in the back of our mind has been: What if it's not Biden? What if it's Bernie? What if it's Pete? What if Warren comes back with a vengeance? What if primary voters DEMAND John Delaney get his perky ass back into the primary because they miss him so much?

What will Trump and his loonsack mouthbreather political operatives like Rudy Giuliani and the hairball Fox News lawyers Joe diGenova and Victoria Toensing -- the ones who literally ran his Ukraine scheme from barely outside the White House, up to the point that diGenova and Toensing literally represent Dmitry Firtash, the reportedly Russian-mob-adjacent Ukrainian oligarch who's fed so much disinformation on the Bidens into the willing mouth holes of Trump, Giuliani, and their Fox News acolytes -- what will they do then? What kind of disinformation shit are they collecting/making up out of whole cloth about the other candidates?

Josh Marshall happens to have brought up precisely this question up in one of his letters from the editor today over at Talking Points Memo. Marshall reminds us of the mini-Jane Sanders scandal from back when she was president of Burlington College, which, admittedly, we never really paid much attention to, and this post is not about litigating whether or how much of it was legit, because don't care right now.

But Marshall also told us something we either never knew before, or we knew it and we forgot:

The college underwent a dramatic expansion under Sanders' leadership and then closed in 2016 under a mountain of debt. Press reports and political critics suggested that Jane Sanders and Senator Sanders' Senate office had pressured People's United Bank to make a $6.7 million loan to the bank which underwrote the expansion.

That's the accusation.

Sanders denies the claims about his office, calling it "nonsense," and no one has ever been formally accused of any wrongdoing. But let's set the accusation and its merits aside for the moment and look at where those criticisms and press reports came from. They start with a guy named Brady Toensing who sent a letter to the U.S. Attorney in Vermont asking him to probe whether Jane Sanders committed fraud with respect to that loan.
Toensing's efforts did trigger a federal investigation of Jane Sanders, a probe which was finally closed with no charges filed in November 2018, according to Sanders spokesman Jeff Weaver.

Toensing, Toensing, Toensing ... where have we seen that name in this blog post before? Was it before or after we said "hairball"?

Marshall notes that Brady Toensing, who now has a sweet-ass position at Trump's Department of Justice, used to be the head of the Vermont Republican Party, ran Trump's Vermont operation, and oh yeah, he is the product of what happens when one Hairball loves another Hairball very much, and they rub their Down There Hairballs together really fast and nine months later a baby Hairball busts out of one of the Hairballs' stomach like Alien Hairball.

So that's interesting.

Josh writes:

So is Brady Toensing going to help or goad to get Jane Sanders put in jail? It's hard really to see that as a question since he literally already has. When you add to that that he's a new nepotism hire under Bill Barr, courtesy of his right-wing power couple parents who were at the center of the Ukraine scandal to manufacture evidence against the Bidens, what's probably coming down the pike really speaks for itself.


You know, if Bernie gets the nomination.

Bernie folks, we are saying this to you with love, as a political writer who is personally just not that into Bernie but will jump on the bandwagon so hard we break our necks if he wins: This is not an "It MIGHT happen to you" situation, it's an "It WILL happen to you" situation. And in that case, it would be happening to all of us, because we really are not kidding when we say vote blue, no matter who. We are saying this to Bernie folks who might have in theory thought what Trump was impeached for was bad, but at the same time, they think Joe Biden is also bad, therefore they didn't exactly lose much sleep over it.

Will more salacious shit come out about Bernie Sanders, some of it true, some half-true, and some utter bullshit, most likely ginned up by these very same deplorables? Yep. Nobody's ever released any real oppo on Bernie, so we already knew a tsunami would come if Bernie were to win. Spoiler: It will be worse than you, or we, ever imagined, whether it's Bernie or somebody else not named Biden.

Will Trump make a "perfect call" threatening to withhold strategic Vermont maple syrup subsidies, in exchange for bullshit investigations into Sanders?

Will Rudy Giuliani get on his iPhone and tweet out a deepfake video that proves that Pete is deepfaking being so gay all the time?

Will the Hairballs claim to have found the REAL Pocahontas, who is willing to testify that Elizabeth Warren is not the real Pocahontas?

We are being silly, but you get the idea, and it is that no matter what happens, we are in for some hell between now and November, so we need to be in for it together.

Have a nice weekend!

[Talking Points Memo]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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