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Rudy: Be Prepared for Space Terrorists!


Now that the Bush Administration has fast tracked plans for a military moon base to monitor outer space tourism and potential invasions, Giuliani has a new title: Intergalactic Mayor (screw that America's Mayor shit!). While stumping in New Hampshire, some pre-teen Republican who hates Steven Spielberg, loves sculpting and has very real concerns about space terrorism, asked if we are safe from intergalactic invaders. Yes, Giuliani said, but only if your parents vote for me. He then beamed back up to campaign headquarters.

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Florida's hand-counting of ballots is underway, and for all the Republican whining about Democrats trying to "steal" the elections for US Senate and governor (and floating insane conspiracy theories while they're at it), the recounts appear on track to confirm the results initially reported on election night: Florida's new governor will probably be Republican Rick DeSantis, and current governor and Voldemort impersonator Rick Scott will probably replace Democrat Bill Nelson in the US Senate. That doesn't necessarily mean anything is really settled, of course, because it's fucking Florida.

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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's first days in Congress have been a doozie. She's been "mistaken" for an intern or a spouse on multiple occasions, everyone's making up pretend fights that she's getting in with people she's not actually getting into fights with, and she's still somehow not performing poverty well enough to convince Fox News and other conservatives that she is not a secret billionaire.

On Wednesday, Fox News published an exposé on AOC and her vast riches -- showing that even though she said that it was going to be tough to afford an apartment in DC for the three months before she'd receive a salary, she was actually a fifteen thousandaire.

If she converted that $15K into pennies, she could probably swim in them, just like her fellow rich person Scrooge McDuck.

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