Rudy Giuliani And Lindsey Graham Gonna Impeach The Impeachers With UKRAINIAN SCIENCE FACTS!
Rarely does a day go by at Ye Olde Wonkette where we don't ask WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH LINDSEY GRAHAM and WAHT TEH FUCKKKKK IS WRNG ITH RUDY GIULIANIAITJUI;OU128O3U489U98P23U5P98U98UFOIJUAIJFKDSJ at least once or twice each.
(Yes, that is usually how we spell the second question, such are our brains by the time we get around to asking it.)
Well, our two favorite Trump-sucking acolytes are teaming up for the cause, ready to impeach the impeachers and investigate the investigators!
Giuliani certainly isn't going to cooperate with the FAKE impeachment inquiry going on in the FAKE House of Representatives, led by the LIAR TREASON PARAPHRASER Adam Schiff.
Giuliani tells me he won't testify or give documents to impeachment hearings being led by Schiff & would welcome le… https://t.co/R2eD47TrBz— Josh Dawsey (@Josh Dawsey)1570556981.0
Right, because now Giuliani speaks for "administration," just like he speaks for "State Department," apparently.
Lindsey Graham, in his capacity as the most embarrassing chairman the Senate Judiciary Committee has ever seen, has announced that he's super excited to bring Rudy Giuliani in to testify, so they can do their OWN impeachment. And what will they be impeaching? Reality itself, as far as we can tell.
Graham, who was in the United States Senate when the entire international community, including the Obama administration, pushed for the removal of the corrupt Ukrainian prosecutor general Viktor Shokin in 2016, and when his own Republican colleagues were writing letters encouraging Ukraine to reform its prosecutor general's office, has just been hearing some really "disturbing allegations" about "corruption" involving the firing of Shokin from that paragon of good government and integrity Rudy Giuliani? Is that what he is really saying? These disturbing allegations that have been debunked harder than a cow falling out of Devin Nunes's top bunk, allegedly?
What drugs is Lindsey Graham smoking and can we ban them like bath salts for Lindsey Graham's safety?
(By the way, if you haven't seen Maddow's segment from last night on how Republicans are doing to the word "corruption" what they already did to the words "fake news," please watch it. It's true KGB-style information warfare they are waging.)
Anyway, because the House of Representatives is doing its constitutionally ordained duty and investigating the actual corruption of a president (Trump) extorting a foreign country (Ukraine) to give him a reacharound (right on the penis) in the 2020 election, Lindsey Graham will do everything to obstruct that inquiry that he can, by attempting to throw a sideshow trial in the Senate Judiciary Committee.
You know, if the rumors are true that Trump has some serious kompromat on Graham and that's why he's behaving this way, we really wish it would just leak so that Graham could STFU and John McCain could stop doing "Small Wonder"-style rotations in his grave.
For now, though, he just wants to learn the truth!
Unlike the House of Representatives, I’m tired of only hearing one side of the story. It’s now time to give voic… https://t.co/2Cm2LqT0Of— Lindsey Graham (@Lindsey Graham)1570548818.0
Lindsey Graham wants to hear both sides of the story! The true side, and the out-of-breath syphilitic dumpster fire version of the truth! Let the chips fall where they may!
Amy Klobuchar, Democrat on the Senate Judiciary Committee, reacted to Graham's little Twitter tirade and suggested that she can indeed handle the truth.
Bring it on. https://t.co/r6ktuT0NM8— Amy Klobuchar (@Amy Klobuchar)1570555452.0
Meanwhile, Dianne Feinstein, vice chair of the committee, threw some shade:
Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) said in a statement that she would "welcome the opportunity to question Rudy Giuliani under oath."
She added that it "would give us an opportunity to help separate fact from fiction for the American people."
Translation: Rudy Giuliani doesn't even know what his own story is, much less how to keep it straight. Let's let Amy and Kamala and Mazie and Cory and the others use Giuliani as a chew toy. Should be fun TV, especially when Lindsey Graham gets all red in the face and blows smoke out his ears and queens out screamin' about how he's never seen a man treated like this since that time we all treated Brett Kavanaugh like that.
Giuliani will, of course, lie his ass off, but we are sure the good senators have lots of good questions. Like for instance, Wonkette Five Dollar Feminist would like to know how it is normal that Giuliani's Ukrainian co-conspirators Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman are simultaneously Giuliani's clients and also working for him and the president on their campaign to bring down Joe Biden. Is that kosher, in the legal sense? And how does it work? And how is he doing all this when he is not even technically barred to practice as a lawyer in DC?
Those are just a couple of Five Dollar Feminist's questions. We bet Kamala Harris has some others!
Feel free to think of more questions for the senators to ask Rudy Giuliani, in the comments of your OPEN THREAD!
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