Rudy Giuliani Can't Out-Crazy Sidney Powell, But He's Trying

Remember a couple of weeks ago when the New York Timesreported that Rudy Giuliani was seeking a pardon from his favorite client, Individual 1? Well thanks to NBC, we now have a pretty good idea why. Looks like federal prosecutors from the Southern District of New York are hot on Ol' Leaky Hair's trail, getting ready to swoop in and grab up all his comms.

Prosecutors for the Southern District of New York have been in communication with Justice Department officials in Washington about gaining access to Giuliani's emails, the two sources said. The Southern District needs Washington's approval before its prosecutors can ask a judge to sign a search warrant for materials that may be protected by attorney-client privilege, according to department policy. It is not known whether Washington has been granted that approval.

It's not clear whether Bill Barr greenlighted that search warrant before he noped out of town, leaving his deputy Jeffrey Rosen to fend off Poppy Pissypants' increasingly lunatic demands for assistance with his coup plot.

The Wall Street Journalreported last year that Giuliani's bank records were under the feds' microscope because of his Ukrainian ratfucking adventures, and the Washington Postsaid in February that the investigation was ongoing. But with the election in the rearview mirror, there's no longer any claim that taking overt steps like, say, serving a warrant on the president's lawyer, would improperly influence the voting, and one source told NBC that the investigation is "very active."

Giuliani has denied seeking a pardon, and his attorney Robert Costello, of Michael Cohen pardon dangle fame (allegedly!), told NBC, "I have no reason to believe there's any truth to the allegations that there is renewed interest in my client."

UH HUH. "Renewed" is doing a lot of work there. And, oh, hey, look who just confirmed the story.

Does he know who's been in charge of the Justice Department for the past four years, or ... ?

Meanwhile, Rudy's been busy trying to help Trump with his incipient coup, taking part in Oval Office meetings with Krakenhead lawyer Sidney Powell, her client Michael Flynn, the nutter, and government employees including White House Counsel Pat Cipollone. Giuliani reached out to Ken Cuccinelli, the Senior Official Performing the Duties of the Deputy Secretary of Homeland Security, in an effort to get DHS to impound the voting machines, whatever that means. But The Cooch said no dice — and if the guy who tried to outlaw oral sex says the government doesn't have the power, then you know the ask is totally crazy.

But crazy as he is, even Rudy has his limits. Maggie Haberman says Giuliani is doing his darnedest to put the kibosh on Sidney Powell getting appointed as Special Counsel, a position shared by virtually everyone else in Trump's orbit.

"It's basically Sidney versus everybody," a source told Axios's Jonathan Swan. "That is why voices were raised. There is literally not one motherf—r in the president's entire orbit — his staunchest group of supporters and allies — who doesn't think that Sidney Powell should be on that first rocket to Mars."

Last night Rudy took his grievances public on Newsmax with Sean Spicer, who absolutely does not inhale helium before going on the air.

"Let me say definitively Sidney Powell is not part of our legal team. She hasn't been for five weeks. She is not a special counsel for the president. She does not speak for the president, nor does she speak for the administration. She speaks for herself. She's a fine woman, a fine lawyer, but whatever she is talking about it's her own opinions. I'm not responsible for them, the president isn't, nor is anybody else on our legal team," Giuliani insisted when Spicer asked about rumors that Powell would take on a government role investigating her theories of election fraud. The same fraud that Rudy insists is absolutely real but cannot be mentioned on network television.

"I can't get on ABC, NBC, CBS. I can't even get on Fox anymore. If I say the word 'fraud,' I'm thrown off the network," he complained. "I'm sorry, there was fraud. I'm telling the truth, and they're lying." Although who ''they" were was not quite clear. Let's just assume "everybody."

As for Rudy's assertion that Powell doesn't speak for the president, Jonathan Swan, who's been documenting the shitstorm at the White House, tweeted, "Giuliani can say all of this but I've spent the past four days on the phone to Trump aides and the consensus is that the president is listening to Sidney Powell more than just about anyone who is on his payroll, certainly more than his own White House Counsel."

In summary and in conclusion, everything is going well. Trump is crazy, and Sidney Powell is crazy, and Rudy is crazy but not as crazy as Trump and Powell, and he definitely needs a pardon because Joe Biden has turned the Justice Department into the Secret Police. THE END.


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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