Rudy Giuliani Commits First Aggravated Chram-Pulling Of 2021

Let us tell you a story you MIGHT not have heard in the utter insanity of last night. We'll set you the scene.

AFTER the "end" of the insurrectionist siege on the US Capitol last night; AFTER four people had been killed at the Capitol during the coup attack to stop Congress from certifying the electoral votes for Donald Trump; and JUST BEFORE members of Congress reconvened, having spent the day hiding under their desks because of how at any moment active shooters might be discovered in the building, since the terrorists had pushed right on through Capitol Police like they were shoppers on Black Friday looking for hot deals on flatscreens ...

Anyway, AFTER all that, Rudy Giuliani had an idea!

Rudy Giuliani's idea was, "What if coups are awesome and I can get senators to keep doing coups to steal the election for Donald Trump?" For real.

So he got on the phone. (Yes, that is an important part of the punchline, because we all know Rudy Giuliani has massive problems with "phone." But you just be patient now!)

Giuliani thought maybe he could get dumbfuck numbnuts new Alabama GOP Senator Tommy Tuberville to just slow things way down, to give Trump and his Elite Strike Force a chance to show Congress the "evidence" that the election was fraud-stolen from Trump! You know, because they obviously have some now, after promising to show it every day for the last two months since the election. Guess the riots didn't slow things down quite enough!

So he picked up his phone and left the following voicemail:

At approximately 7 p.m., Giuliani called newly sworn-in Alabama Sen. Tommy Tuberville, a staunch Trump ally, imploring him to stall the process. "I want to discuss with you how they're trying to rush this hearing and how we need you, our Republican friends, to try to just slow it down so we can get these legislatures to get more information to you," Giuliani said in a voicemail.

They're rushing the hearing! You know, after they spent hours on lockdown, unable to complete this ceremonial thing where Congress's only real job is to count the electoral votes the states sent them. They were rushing it.

"And I know they're reconvening at 8 tonight, but it ... the only strategy we can follow is to object to numerous states and raise issues so that we get ourselves into tomorrow—ideally until the end of tomorrow. I know McConnell is doing everything he can to rush it, which is kind of a kick in the head because it's one thing to oppose us, it's another thing not to give us a fair opportunity to contest it."

That's right, after the Trump-incited American carnage of January 6, Rudy wanted Tommy Tuberville to object to "numerous" states to make this go at least until the end of today. Mean old Mitch McConnell, kicking Trump in the head by rushing things and not giving them a reasonable amount of time on top of the two months they already had to find/manufacture evidence of fraud!

Giuliani tells Tuberville that McConnell wants to narrow the objections to just three states and explains that the Trump team wants to object to 10. "So if you could object to every state and, along with a congressman, get a hearing for every state, I know we would delay you a lot, but it would give us the opportunity to get the legislators who are very, very close to pulling their vote, particularly after what McConnell did today."

He wanted Tuberville to object to 10 STATES, in order to "get a hearing" for every state. He knows that would be a delay, and we guess he knows there was just an insurgent attack on the US Capitol and people died there, but ... pretty pretty please?

Yes, he literally did this AFTER the events of yesterday, events he helped incite when he spoke at yesterday morning's Trump rally where he talked of things like "trial by combat."

And now here is the punchline: Rudy Giuliani did not call Tommy Tuberville. He did not leave that message for Tommy Tuberville. He left the voicemail for some other senator, we are guessing a Republican, who then immediately leaked it to The Dispatch, a conservative news website. And now we all get to hear about it!

You can listen to it right here!

On New Year's Eve, Wonkette's Liz Dye wrote a year-end recap piece about how Rudy Giuliani refused to put down hischram the whole entire year, but instead just disgustingly played with it in front of our faces every chance he got, right there where children can see.

It's clear 2021 will be no different for him.

[The Dispatch]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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