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It is a truism in our current American politics that if Rudy Giuliani subjects you to some bullshit on a Friday, he'll subject you to WAY MORE BULLSHIT on Sunday, because if it's Sunday, it's Rudy Giuliani Saying Bullshit Day!

When we last left Giuliani, he was literally accusing Robert Mueller of prosecutorial misconduct -- which is weird, considering how Mueller hasn't even asked Donald Trump a question yet, but hey, what does Giuliani know, he's just a "lawyer" -- and screaming PERJURY TRAP! You see, Giuliani knows Mueller is going to unfairly PERJURY TRAP! the president, because he's going to ask Trump questions, and then Trump is going to lie, and that is how you do PERJURY TRAP!

Sunday, Giuliani went on CNN's "State Of The Union" to tell Jake Tapper that, contra LITERALLY EVERYTHING HE'S SAID IN THE PAST, Trump never even talked to former FBI director James Comey about taking it easy on Michael Flynn. Didn't ask him to kill the investgation, didn't pressure him, didn't do NOTHIN'.


Here is some transcript:

GIULIANI: [T]here was no conversation about Michael Flynn. The president didn't find out that Comey believed there was until about -- I think it was February when it supposedly took place. Memo came out in May. And, in between, Comey testified under oath that in no way had he been obstructed at any time. And then, all of a sudden, in May, he says he felt obstructed, he felt pressured by that comment, you should go easy on Flynn. So we -- we maintain the president didn't say that. But if we do that under oath, we end up in a sort of Martha Stewart situation.

Because Trump gonna lie?

TAPPER: But, Mr. Mayor, you said -- you told ABC News last month that the president told Comey -- quote -- "Can you give him a break?" Now you're saying that they never had a...

GIULIANI: No, I never -- I never told ABC that. That's crazy. I have never said that.

THAT'S CRAZY. Of course, Giuliani has indeed gone on TV one million times to explain that no, what Trump did to Comey in the Oval Office isn't obstruction of justice. Heck it's just like when everybody used to ask Rudy Giuliani The Prosecutor to "go easy" on people. It's just a normal thing people say to prosecutors, even if they are prosecutors investigating your campaign's ties to Russia, and the foreign agent you picked to be your national security advisor is under investigation for his illegal contacts with ... Russia!

Giuliani said he wishes Trump had committed that obstruction of justice, because what is obstruction of justice anyway?

GIULIANI: I have always said the president denies it. Look, it'd be easier for me if the president did say that. Jay [Sekulow] and I could defend that. The statement, go easy on him, is hardly an obstruction. Obstruction involves a threat. Obstruction involves false testimony. Obstruction involves an offer of money. It has to be corrupt. Just saying exercise your prosecutorial discretion to give a general a break, I had that happen all the time to me when I was a prosecutor.

Later in the interview, Jake Tapper, perhaps worried Giuliani was having a mental break right there on live TV, played tape of Giuliani saying the thing Giuliani now says he never said, and you won't believe this, but Giuliani did not actually say, "Oh, I guess I did say that, what a total fuckup I am!" He said he was simply talking about "Comey's rendition" of what happened in that meeting that totally didn't happen. Giuliani also law-splained Jake Tapper that "I know it's complicated" for fresh-faced young things like Jake Tapper to understand, but "lawyers argue in the alternative," by ... saying one lie on TV for several months and then suddenly lying to Jake Tapper about that lie, we think?

"Why would I say something that isn't true?" asked Giuliani, with a straight face.

Jake Tapper responded with this face:

The interview was full of other DELIGHTFUL tidbits. For instance, Giuliani said he hasn't talked to the special counsel's office in two months, so we are beginning to wonder if he's even part of the legal negotiations, or if he is just out here winging it. (It is the second thing.)

Also, he updated his "legal theory" of why Robert Mueller better stop investigating Trump by September 1, so as to not interfere with the midterm elections like a common James Comey. (Of course, Donald Trump is not on the ballot, but ignore that minor detail!) But yes, Rudy Giuliani doesn't want bad things to leak just before the election, just like what happened in 2016 when Rudy Giuliani was going on TV saying the shit was about to hit the fan for Hillary Clinton, because Rudy Giuliani had been hearing from rogue agents in the New York FBI field office that they FOUND ALL THE MISSING HILLARY EMAILS! (They had not.) As a result, James Comey was "forced" to share 11 DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION that there was a "new" investigation into Hillary's emails, because, as FBI agent Peter Strzok explained to the DOJ's inspector general, those kinds of leaks were on everybody's mind, and as FBI agent Lisa Page explained, it was the New York guys they were worried about. Giuliani's pals!

By the way, guess who just got fired? Peter Strzok. But this post is not about that bullshit, it is about Rudy Giuliani's bullshit, which we are officially tired of now, so POST OVER.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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