Donate

Remember that hilarious week when the New York Times did 475 stories on how Alan Dershowitz was a LoserNaked McNoFriends because literally none of his neighbors at Martha's Vineyard were willing to talk to his dumb naked old nudist balls while he lowered them into the hollandaise sauce at all the hottest brunches in Martha's Vineyard, on account of his blind moron support for Donald Trump? Well! The New York Times needs to fire up its presses to do 475 more stories, but this time for Rudy Giuliani!

(To be clear, we don't think there's any part of this story that involves Giuliani's balls in the hollandaise, but maybe there would be if NYT's Jeremy Peters would go fucking do the Giuliani interview he was born to do.)

Point is there was gonna be a party. And all the hottest people in New York were invited! It was to be a party celebrating that time Rudy Giuliani was elected mayor of New York in 1993, which really isn't much of a thing to celebrate, since his mayoral reign was basically just nouns and verbs until finally got his 9/11 in 2001. But that's immaterial, because Giuliani completely lost any semblance of sanity he ever sorta kinda had when he became Donald Trump's TV lawyer, and then he proceeded to go on TV every five minutes to implicate his client and maybe himself in crimes, and because of that, nobody wants to go to his party, because he sucks:


Plans for a party celebrating the 25-year anniversary of Rudy Giuliani becoming the mayor of New York City are "fizzling out" because the 74-year-old politico is "too toxic," according to a source who was invited. [...]

"Rudy wanted it to appear to come together organically," according to that source, who said the mayor left party-planning responsibilities to associates who struggled to find supporters willing to pay for tickets.

Rudy wanted the party to just kinda happen as if by magic, by which we assume he wanted people to RSVP "yes," instead of pretending they were washing their cat or were planning to come down with a nasty case of the rocket poops that night. We imagine he was trying on all his favorite dresses for the occasion and wondering if maybe this time Donald Trump would be his date for real.

As for people who might have actually wanted to show up for this sad and now canceled event, we are guessing they're all indicted or going to be indicted real soon:

"It'd be like a mafia wedding," that source joked, referring to mob gatherings where investigators and media members show up to take an inventory of party-goers with close ties to the dubious guests of honor.

OK, we take it back, maybe we would go to that party.

But there's not going to be a party, and now Rudy Giuliani is pretending like he didn't know there was going to be a party, WHO SAID PARTY, I'M ALWAYS UP FOR A PARTY!

"If there was a party for me, it was a surprise party," he said. "I don't know anything about a party. If you find something out, let me know."

We found something out and we are letting you know, Rudy Guiliani, because we are reading this New York Daily News article right now! There was going to be a party, and you were totally down-low planning it (or at least your former comms director was planning it, as per NYDN's reporting), but everybody who's anybody RSVP-ed "LOL!" and now there's not gonna be a party because pretty much everybody thinks the world would be a better place if you had never been born.

This is all very sad, we are certain.

[New York Daily News]

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

HI. IT IS THE HOLIDAYS. WE WOULD LIKE TO PAY OUR WRITERS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE THANKFUL FOR US, MAYBE SOME MONEY?

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc