Rudy Has Some 'Evidence' In His Bedroom, Who Wanna See It?

There's a whole lot going on with the House January 6 Select Committee right now. For instance, the Biden administration just smacked down Donald Trump's latest whining about keeping his White House visitor logs private and ordered the National Archives to hand 'em over to the committee. And the committee just subpoenaed more of the world's dumbest evildoers who participated in the fake elector coup to overthrow the government for Trump.

But one thing we've thought was funny ever since we heard it is that Rudy Giuliani, fluffer to the chief seditionist himself, was reportedly expected to "fully cooperate" with the committee. Now, the committee has sort of sounded like it was saying that in a stern tone of voice, as in "we fully expect you will do what you are supposed to do, Rudy." But they also have said he and his lawyer have been engaging with the committee, so who knows? Maybe!

Of course, there's this:

But negotiations are still in the early stages, and there is still no agreement for Giuliani to cooperate. And he hasn't turned over any documents to the committee ...

So there's that.

The committee might not want to hold out hope, based on what Rudy said last night on Newsmax:

How can you have any confidence in this committee, which, by the way, is illegal, and doesn't have a minority membership, and really can't subpoena anybody?

We'd simply note that the committee has the only two Republicans in the entire House who have any integrity or chance of going to heaven when they die, and they sure did just subpoena your crusty ass, so ...

Also, what is that shirt Rudy is wearing? Did he call the mail-order shirt company and say, "Can you send my shirts already covered in piss? Is there a PRE-PISSED version of shirts?"

At that point, the chyron started switching to "Media Downplays Durham's Findings," because the rightwing media is just furious we're all "downplaying" the "findings" of that hair-faced loser John Durham and his hair-faced "bombshells." How are we "downplaying" them? By reading them and explaining in clear terms that Fox News and the rest of the rightwing media are liarfuckingliars, as usual.

MORE! Fake Durham Scandal Would Be Good Time For Media To Learn How To Say 'Fox News Is F*cking Lying'

As some point in that discussion, Rudy told the Newsmax people that he has some "evidence" in his bedroom if you'd like to see it.

Unfortunately we have to post this picture right now.

Anyway, what kind of "evidence" does Rudy think he has? Evidence that Trump knew about all the spying Hillary Clinton was doing back then, obviously. Hey, remember that time Trump got on Twitter early in his presidency and started free-association babbling about Obama putting WIRE TAPPS in his rectum? Maybe some of that is also in Rudy's bedroom!

Rudy said, "They may feel that it's gobbledygook, but it's gobbledygook supported by about a thousand pieces of evidence, none of which have been revealed yet. I happen to have it in my bedroom!" He then corrected himself and clarified that the "evidence" was "in my den actually," but the damage was done, and everybody was thinking about whatever terrible things happen in Rudy's bedroom. (Haha, can you imagine the terrible farts that come from there?)

After Rudy said the thing about the "evidence" in his bedroom he means his den, one of the Newsmax idiots asked, "Is that part of the laptop?" If this weren't Newsmax, we'd assume the anchor was making fun of him, but this is Newsmax, so it's entirely possible the moron was dead serious and asking if Rudy had special evidence that was "part of the laptop." (Also, speaking of "laptop" and "Rudy's bedroom," that FBI raid happened almost a full year ago. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, MERRICK GARLAND?)

KNOCK KNOCK WHO'S THERE Put Down Your Chram, Rudy, The FBI's At The Door!

In summary and in conclusion, Rudy has some "evidence," and it is in his bedroom, just kidding his den, but he can't show it to you, but whenever it all comes out, it'll vindicate what he and Donald Trump have been saying all along.

If you're interested in more of Rudy's demented babbling, Newsmax printed a bunch of it with a straight face on their website. We won't be copy/pasting it here.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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