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HE'S BEEN IN A KOREAN PERJURY TRAP BEFORE! IT GAVE HIM A SPLINTER!


OH MY GOD HOW MANY TIMES CAN WE WRITE THE POST "RUDY GIULIANI SAID DUMB SHIT"? The answer, as you can see from this week, is "eleventy times a million." It's time to give that old trope one more spin, so hey, everybody, did you hear about that time Rudy Giuliani said some crazy shit, and it was "KOREAN PERJURY TRAPS"?

This one didn't come in a Rudy Giuliani interview about how Rudy Giuliani's legal strategy in the Robert Mueller investigation is for Rudy Giuliani to say really dumbshit stuff as often as possible, so we missed it initially. It came in a Washington Post story about the inside scoop on how President Sprinkle Turds got completely self-owned on his fabled summit with Kim Jong-Un.

Buried among details about how the Art Of The Deal really fell apart when North Korea made fun of Mike Pence, and how Trump boned the summit and humiliated himself in order to save himself from humiliation, is this line from Rudy Giuliani, about whether a North Korea summit is still likely to happen:

“I think it is more inevitable than a Mueller interview,” Giuliani said. “At least they’re not going to try to trap him into Korean perjury.”

KOREAN PERJURY TRAPS!

We feel like we have made that for dinner before, but we are not sure? It most likely involved Gochujang, which is our favorite cooking ingredient on all of earth, and if you do not have it in your kitchen, you are A Idiot? We forget.

(TIP: Want to do something WILD AND CRAZY with your Eye-talian marinara pasta dishes, something that will make your guests say "Fuck is this?" but in a good way? Use Gochujang.)

Also ... how would Korean perjury traps work? And how is Korean perjury different from the good old American kind Trump is guaranteed to do if he sits down with Robert Mueller? Would Trump be able to commit Korean perjury if only he was smart enough to learn how to lie in Korean?

We have so many questions, but golly, we just made ourselves REAL HUNGRY talking about Gochujang and we just happen to be in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn, right now so BRB HATERS, GOING TO EAT ALL THE FOOD TO MAKE US FAT, HAVE A LOVELY OPEN THREAD AND HOLIDAY WEEKEND, GOODNIGHT.

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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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An unhinged wannabe fascist who tweets about golden showers did a news conference in the Rose Garden this afternoon. Also, Donald Trump was there.

Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro is in town, and everything about today's public appearance with Trump and Bolsonaro has been real stupid, just like how it was real stupid when Bolsonaro's stupid son was the stupid guest of honor the other night at a stupid Steve Bannon event at the stupid Trump trash palace hotel in DC.

During their pool spray, Trump excitedly told reporters that he was making plans to give NATO privileges to Brazil, because of how Brazil elected a big gross dipshit just like America did. Of course, considering how Trump treats actual NATO countries, Bolsonaro might want to reconsider whether he wants that.

Then a reporter asked him about his blubbering whiny-ass attacks on John McCain, who is still dead.

That's right, Donald Trump didn't even avoid the question about his very embarrassing behavior. He spoke about McCain as if McCain were still alive, whined about McCain killing Obamacare repeal, and concluded by saying, "I was never a fan of John McCain, and I never will be." As for McCain, he will continue living rent-free in the president's nightmares and his face will be the face of Trump's insecurities, because we guess that's what happens to John McCains when they die.

But enough about the pool spray! After they met in the Oval Office and did whatever fascists who should be prohibited entry to the White House via an electric doggie fence do (sniffed each other's butts, probably), they entered the Rose Garden and proceeded to hike their legs on democracy some more.

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Yep, we're breaking out the Wikimedia kitten image for this one.

CNN is out today with a story on members of the anti-vaccination/pro-disease movement who have found a delightful new way to win converts to their side in the war on science: find parents (mothers, generally) who have recently lost a child to a preventable disease, and then harass them on social media, because after all, good people refuse vaccines and anyone who advocates for vaccines must be burned to the ground. As your lawyer (we are not a lawyer), we advise you to secure any hurlable heavy objects near you before reading.

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