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HE'S BEEN IN A KOREAN PERJURY TRAP BEFORE! IT GAVE HIM A SPLINTER!


OH MY GOD HOW MANY TIMES CAN WE WRITE THE POST "RUDY GIULIANI SAID DUMB SHIT"? The answer, as you can see from this week, is "eleventy times a million." It's time to give that old trope one more spin, so hey, everybody, did you hear about that time Rudy Giuliani said some crazy shit, and it was "KOREAN PERJURY TRAPS"?

This one didn't come in a Rudy Giuliani interview about how Rudy Giuliani's legal strategy in the Robert Mueller investigation is for Rudy Giuliani to say really dumbshit stuff as often as possible, so we missed it initially. It came in a Washington Post story about the inside scoop on how President Sprinkle Turds got completely self-owned on his fabled summit with Kim Jong-Un.

Buried among details about how the Art Of The Deal really fell apart when North Korea made fun of Mike Pence, and how Trump boned the summit and humiliated himself in order to save himself from humiliation, is this line from Rudy Giuliani, about whether a North Korea summit is still likely to happen:

“I think it is more inevitable than a Mueller interview,” Giuliani said. “At least they’re not going to try to trap him into Korean perjury.”

KOREAN PERJURY TRAPS!

We feel like we have made that for dinner before, but we are not sure? It most likely involved Gochujang, which is our favorite cooking ingredient on all of earth, and if you do not have it in your kitchen, you are A Idiot? We forget.

(TIP: Want to do something WILD AND CRAZY with your Eye-talian marinara pasta dishes, something that will make your guests say "Fuck is this?" but in a good way? Use Gochujang.)

Also ... how would Korean perjury traps work? And how is Korean perjury different from the good old American kind Trump is guaranteed to do if he sits down with Robert Mueller? Would Trump be able to commit Korean perjury if only he was smart enough to learn how to lie in Korean?

We have so many questions, but golly, we just made ourselves REAL HUNGRY talking about Gochujang and we just happen to be in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn, right now so BRB HATERS, GOING TO EAT ALL THE FOOD TO MAKE US FAT, HAVE A LOVELY OPEN THREAD AND HOLIDAY WEEKEND, GOODNIGHT.

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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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CLEAR YOUR CALENDARS FOR FEBRUARY 7! And then fill them back up with whatever the fuck you want, because Michael Cohen has announced through his lawyers that he is too scared to testify before an open session of Congress that day, citing threats to his family from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.

Wonkette has no reason to believe Cohen isn't being serious here, and NBC News reports Cohen's wife and father-in-law are particularly concerned about their safety if the man who used to call his boss MIS-TURRRR TWUMP goes to Congress and tells the truth this time. Still, we must pause to note that this is the same guy who said this to NPR reporter Tim Mak, back when Mak was at The Daily Beast:

"I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we're in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don't have," Cohen told Mak [...] "And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know."

"So I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

It's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, IS IT, MICHAEL?

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Did Nancy Pelosi do something to give Donald Trump the mistaken impression he has leverage here? We don't remember her doing anything like that!

Trump sent Pelosi a letter this morning to say that, despite how she told him to stay the fuck out of her House because of his government shutdown, he would still be coming to the House on January 29 to deliver his State of the Union address. And for some weird-ass reason, Trump and his advisers in the White House actually thought she would back down. It's both hilarious and alarming that Trump and his people are that stupid, isn't it?

Anyway, Pelosi took the dare. She took the dare. Was there anybody besides those dumb fucking idiots in the White House who thought she wouldn't take the dare?

Pelosi sent a letter right back to Trump to kindly explain to him that no means "go fuck yourself," and that if he'd like her to stick her foot further up his ass and kick it around a bunch, he's welcome to test her some more:

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