Politico's got one of those pieces today where they talk to inside Republicans and try to figure out where it's all going wrong, but none of them are able to see the obvious, which is that it's going wrong because Donald Trump is broken and flawed and incompetent and stupid and beyond help.

Naturally, one of their prime sources was Rudy Giuliani, and oh boy, he was TALKIN'.

First though, here is a quote from a "senior GOP congressional aide," who gets the closest to understanding that the problem is Trump.

"It used to be that he would do five rallies a day and say whatever came off the top of his head and he thinks that won him the election. [...] It's like when a 25-year old gets drunk and shows up at a family engagement. That can be cute. But if you're a 50-year-old and you show up at the gathering drunk and embarrassing, that just hits a little differently. It's not cute anymore."

But Giuliani says WRONG, and that Trump should be the 50-year-old drunk he always knew he could be!


Giuliani thinks if Trump just leaned into stoking white racist fears MORE and talking about Joe Biden having dementia MORE, then all of a sudden people would want to vote for Trump. First, the white racist fears:

"If I were running the campaign I would do a commercial with the people in St. Louis who had to guard their homes with guns. That's a suburb!"

It is not a suburb, you dumb shit who couldn't be bothered to look at a map and learn a damn thing before opening your mouth. The racist entitled white assholes in that video live off Kingshighway (sic, St. Louis!) on Portland Place in Central West End, down the road from St. Louis University, near the east side of Forest Park. If you know anything about St. Louis, you know that is about five minutes from downtown, in the city limits, and if you are in the St. Louis city limits, you are very much not in the suburbs, since the city itself is a teeny tiny 65-square-mile wedge.

Mark and Patty McCloskey, the gun-wielding couple in question, live in one of the original Busch family houses, for god's sake. Yes, those Busches, who are related to the Anheusers. The house broke ground in 1909.

But we get what you are saying, Rudy, with the racist dogwhistling to the white racists, as you try to convince them Black people are invading their suburbs. Goes right along with Trump's recent messaging about protecting suburbs from the Blacks Joe Biden.

Now the dementia stuff, because who has dementia? Certainly not Donald Trump, and also not his rusty trusty crime pal Rudy Giuliani!

Giuliani also recommended that Trump allies begin arguing that Biden is mentally ill. "I have a good friend who has early stage Alzheimer's and they could be twins," he said.

WHO IS YOUR "GOOD FRIEND," RUDY?

IS IT THIS GUY?

Giphy

"Nobody thinks Trump has a mental issue," he said. "They attack him for his personality and his emotions."

Person. Woman. Man ... Camera? TV!

How to person woman man camera tv www.youtube.com

Everyone thinks Trump has mental issues. Everyone.

Speaking of, here is Trump today trying to talk about the "Yosemites," but unfortunately they didn't write it out Hooked On Phonics-like for him, so he said, "Yo, Semites." Twice.


"I've known Trump for 30 years. There's no comparison between the two people in terms of being able to finish a sentence, being aware of where they are, and being able to go through five sentences that stick together."

Person. Woman. Man ... Camera? TV! That's not five sentences, Rudy. That's five words. But glad you are proud of your friend for being aware of where he is.

Politico says Newt Gingrich "sees things a little differently," and that he thinks Trump's big mistake is he is running like Nixon in 1968 instead of Nixon in 1972, eyerolls, who cares, fuck off, Newt.

The rest of the article is GOP operatives saying Trump doesn't know how to run against coronavirus because you can't just mean-tweet at it, and a different "person close to the president" LOL-ing about the notion that Trump has a "strategy."

The best part, though, is where they interviewed a magician who does children's birthday parties in DC. His name is The Great Zucchini, and The Great Zucchini says some parents hired him for their eight-year-old's birthday party and nobody thought his jokes were very funny because they were mature eight-year-olds. The Great Zucchini wasn't upset, though, because he knows his crowd is really the three-to-seven-year-old set, which reminds us all of Trump, who really only appeals to very stupid idiots like Rudy Giuliani, but his material doesn't work on people whose brains function in the usual way.

THE GREAT ZUCCHINI: "I bombed. It was crickets. These kids had outgrown the show."

May Trump's November 3 feel just like that, except for how the Great Zucchini probably didn't stay at the party and whine and poop his pants and refuse to leave when he was finished, like Trump probably will.

There are people in the article saying it's Trump's new chief of staff Mark Meadows's fault or its dumb hairball Brad Parscale's fault, but screw all that. The problem is Donald Trump, the problem has always been Donald Trump, the problem was Donald Trump in 2016 when he lost the people's vote by three million and only "won" because Russia and James Comey and voter suppression made it so, and the problem will be Donald Trump in November, Lord willin' and the creek don't rise.

[Politico]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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