Rudy Giuliani Imagines Political Cat Fight Starring Kamala Harris, Michelle Obama

White Nonsense

First Lady Forever Michelle Obama delivered an epic speech last night at the Zoom Democratic National Convention. Conservatives across the country tuned in, perhaps to see a preview of Melania Trump's remarks at the upcoming Republican National Convention. Former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani, the worst person in any room even when he was prosecuting mobsters, weighed in today. He contends that Obama's speech was actually about how much she hates that other Black lady Kamala Harris.

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Giuliani is a confused, old Gollum-esque bigot, so he probably doesn't comprehend that Michelle Obama's Democratic National Convention speech was taped in advance. She didn't know who Joe Biden's vice presidential pick was yet, but she was secure in the knowledge that Donald Trump would still suck.


Although Michelle Obama is a Black woman and prone to sassiness, she is a professional. She wouldn't deliberately snub the Democratic Party's vice presidential nominee. Even if it were Tulsi Gabbard, Obama might go, “Wait ... her?" but she'd quickly recover and say something polite about Gabbard's supervillain white hair streak.

But Harris isn't Tulsi Gabbard because first place, Harris will have a job next year and also, Michelle Obama wrote a moving Instagram post congratulating Harris when she was announced as Biden's running mate and next vice president of the United Fucking States.

So, Giuliani's full of shit, which all decent people know, but it is interesting to see the architect of “stop and frisk" call Harris a “bully prosecutor" who apparently took a “broken windows" approach to “little" marijuana cases. He even calls the drug “weed," as if he's down with the people. Giuliani himself is a vocal opponent of marijuana legalization or even decriminalization. Dr. Asshole has also declared medical marijuana use “unnecessary." During his reign of terror in New York, marijuana possession arrests in the city grew to about 40,000 annually.

Conservatives are trying to hit Harris from both sides on her record. She ruthlessly prosecuted small-time weed cases while casually letting murderers and rapists go free. You don't have to watch much "Law & Order" to know this kind of record wouldn't have helped elect Harris dog catcher let alone attorney general of California.

Niki Solis, a San Francisco public defender, described Harris in a USA Today op-ed as “the most progressive DA in California." That's California, not Mississippi where a DA could claim that title if they insist the police keep suspects alive for trial.

As San Francisco DA, Harris refused to seek the death penalty — even on a case where a very respected police officer was tragically killed. Marijuana sales cases were routinely reduced to misdemeanors. And marijuana possession cases were not even on the court's docket. They were simply not charged. Unless there was a large grow case, or a unique circumstance, this was the reform-minded approach then-DA Harris' office took. The accusations about marijuana prosecutions being harsh during her tenure are absurd. The reality was quite the opposite.

I won't argue with anyone who doesn't like cops. Even if you claimed that all cops were actually alien lizard people, there are a quarter million white people in America who can set you straight. There's no need for me to get involved. However, my one bit of advice for any “Kamala is a cop" people is Never. Fucking. Trust. Rudy. Giuliani. He thinks all Black people are criminals or somehow responsible for criminals. He's suggested there's “no homicide in the white community," which is laughably racist.

If Giuliani doesn't like Kamala Harris, it's not because he thinks she's unfair to minorities or recreational drug users.

The Left has criticized Harris's handling of the Catholic pedophile case both during and before her presidential run, but Giuliani was a steadfast supporter of Alan Placa, a priest accused by a grand jury of "orchestrating the cover-up of nearly 60 separate molestations allegations." He also believes his buddy Donald Trump over the many women who've claimed he's groped them.

Whatever disagreements we might have with Harris and Biden's records, let's all hold them to account and move them in a better direction once they're in the White House. But never fucking trust Rudy Giuliani. Just don't.

[USA Today]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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