RUDY GIULIANI NEVER SAID NO COLLUSION, YOU SAID NO COLLUSION, YOU STINKIN' LIAR!
HEY, KIDS! It's time to play a game! It's called "Is Rudy Giuliani Having A Psychotic Break Or Did He Just Say That Thing Because Something Is For Real About To Happen?"
Time's up, we think the answer just might be BOTH.
Giuliani went on the Chris Cuomo CNN Cat Video TV Time Hour and said ...
Giuliani: I never said there was no collusion in the campaign www.youtube.com
I never said there was no collusion between the campaign, or between people in the campaign. I have no idea.
NO COLLUSION! NO COLLUSION! I NEVER SAID THERE WAS NO COLLUSION, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG YOU?
Consider the goalposts moved! Imagine what Giuliani might say six months from now.
IT DOESN'T COUNT AS A "PEE TAPE" UNLESS THE RUSSIAN HOOKER PEE ENDS UP INSIDE THE PRESIDENT'S MOUTH! CLEARLY IT JUST POOLED IN HIS NECK FOLDS AND MAYBE THERE WAS SOME IN HIS EAR, ACQUIRING A CHRONIC CASE OF SWIMMER'S EAR FROM CONTINUAL EXPOSURE TO RUSSIAN HOOKER PEE IS A TRAGEDY, NOT A CRIME!
The Washington Post tees up the full exchange:
"Mr. Mayor, false reporting is saying that nobody in the campaign had any contacts with Russia," Cuomo responded. "False reporting is saying that there has been no suggestion of any kind of collusion between the campaign and any Russians."
Giuliani jumped in.
"You just misstated my position," Giuliani said. "I never said there was no collusion between the campaign, or between people in the campaign."
Cuomo's face contorted into an expression of disbelief. "Yes, you have," he shot back.
As the Post notes, just months ago, Giuliani was asked on Fox News if he was sticking with his story that there was "no collusion whatsoever with Russians on behalf of the Trump campaign." He responded, "correct." Now he swears he meant it only about the president. YOU BET, RUDY.
Giuliani continued by insisting that the only possible crime that could have been committed here was "conspiracy to hack the DNC," and says there's no evidence Trump was part of that. Giuliani's brain gets stuck on this phrase like Trump gets stuck on phrases like NO COLLUSION, and Giuliani should know, because he is a TECHNOLOGY EXPERT. Of course, his constant insistence that the DNC hacking is the only crime under consideration obscures the fact that there are many crimes Robert Mueller is investigating, and also obscures the fact that we actually don't know yet who all on the Trump campaign was in on the conspiracy to do the hacking, and also ALSO obscures the fact that "hacking the DNC" is literally exactly what they did in Watergate, which used to be considered kind of a big deal. We assume we'll find out sooner or later.
Casual Rudy-watchers (it's a hobby, much like bird-watching, CAW! CAW!) know that Giuliani has a certain penchant for going on TV and accidentally/purposely admitting to crimes committed by his boss, the president, perhaps to soften the impact when the news breaks that the president has committed more crimes, and also perhaps because he's just nutfucking insane. So if Giuliani is out there changing the story to say that there might have been lots of collusion, but Trump didn't know about it, does that mean Donald Trump Jr. about to be indicted finally? Or Jared Kushner? Or any one of about a thousand other people connected to the Trump campaign who's guilty of Trump-Russia crimes? Because Rudy Giuliani NEVER SAID there was NO COLLUSION by all those people, just kidding yes he did!
Or is Rudy Giuiani just having another one of his episodes and maybe we should call the doctor?
Haha, we would never call the doctor for Rudy Giuliani, JUST KIDDING.
The rest of the interview is about how it's totally OK that Paul Manafort did a bunch of NO COLLUSION with shady characters and Russian spies, and how could Donald Trump have possibly known about that, considering how Manafort was a mere intern on the campaign who only worked there for one day, but none of that matters, because the collusion part of the investigation is over and Mueller found nothin', according to Rudy Giuliani, who will amend that statement as many times as he wants to over the course of his next 46 TV appearances, THE END.
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