Rudy Giuliani, PUT DOWN YOUR CHRAM!
Rudy Giuliani: How many successes can one man have in a week?
Rudy has been caught on tape, not with a Russian spy (this time), but with Borat's "daughter" Tutar, and ... well, thank goodness he didn't masturbate on Zoom or anything, but ...
OK, so in the new movie Borat: Subsequent Moviefilm, which comes out Friday on Amazon Prime, the character who plays "Tutar" is pretending to be a conservative journalist, and she gets Rudy to do an interview with her. The Daily Beast's description is very colorful, so we will use it:
Posing as a conservative journalist in the mold of Tomi Lahren—albeit with a strong eastern European accent—Tutar sits down with Giuliani in a Manhattan hotel suite for an "interview" in which she mostly flatters him into creepily flirting with her. "I'll relax you, you want me to ask you a question?" Giuliani says as she giggles in response. After blaming China for the coronavirus, he agrees to "eat a bat" with his interviewer, who repeatedly touches his knee to egg him on.
Baron Cohen first interrupts the interview dressed as a sound engineer with a large boom mic, but leaves before it's over. At that point, Tutar offers to "have a drink in the bedroom" with Giuliani, who happily obliges.
On what appear to be hidden cameras, we see Giuliani remove her microphone and ask for her phone number and address as he sits down on the bed. He starts patting her backside as she removes the microphone from his pants. Giuliani then lies down on the bed and starts sticking his hands down his pants in a suggestive manner.
But before anything more can happen, Borat bursts into the room and shouts, "Put down your chram!"—his preferred word for penis. "She's 15! She's too old for you!"
The startled Giuliani, who had no reason to believe his interviewer was underage, sits up abruptly and gets out of there as fast as he can. "Rudy, Trump will be disappoint! You are leaving hotel without golden shower!" Borat yells after him.
Put down your chram, Rudy! Bet that's not the first time he's heard that. This week. But please, commenters, note the bold above and don't be idiots like all of Twitter, assuming that Grossliani thought she was 15. It is annoying your Editrix, and when she's annoyed, we're all annoyed.
Anyway, the picture above is a still from the scene, where we can see that whatever Rudy is doing, it is not innocent. (Some people say maybe he is tucking in his shirt, but if so that is a WEIRD WAY TO TUCK IN A SHIRT.)
What's so great about this, besides everything, is that when it was filmed this summer, Rudy really seemed to think he got the better of Sacha Baron Cohen. HE told Page Six that Cohen tried to get him, but instead Cohen got got! HE said the guy who ran into the room was wearing a "pink transgender outfit."
No not this one, because it's not quite pink:
Anyway, HE said he called the cops. And HE said he "only later realized it must have been Sacha Baron Cohen." HE added:
"I thought about all the people he previously fooled and I felt good about myself because he didn't get me."
If that's all it takes to make Rudy Giuliani feel good about himself ...
Anyway, Roodles told a radio show at the time that he was pretty sure he hadn't done anything embarrassing in front of Borat. The Hill associate editor Jesse Byrnes tweeted out this screenshot of how Giuliani's idiot spokesperson "Christianné Allen" described what had ensued the week it happened:
"On Tuesday night, Mayor @RudyGiuliani foiled Sacha Cohen's attempted scam-interview, ultimately ending in a stupefied Cohen. At the conclusion of an interview for a documentary on @realdonaldtrump's leadership during the COVID-19 pandemic, Cohen barged onto the set screaming hysterically while wearing a multi-colored bikini with a mesh sash. UN-FOOLED AND PLACID [emphasis ours! -- Wonkette], Mayor Giuliani notified security to call the police. It was then, upon hearing the word police, Cohen turned from a screaming banshee into a fleeing hyena. I hear he was last seen running down the street in his bathrobe. Better luck next time, Sacha!"
She forgot to mention the part about Rudy needing to put down his "un-fooled and placid" chram. What a very bad spokesperson!
Tell us more about Hunter Biden's laptop, though, Rudy, the one you got from the guy who 50/50 — in your estimation! — is a Russian spy.
You're really batting a thousand right now.
By the way, at press time -- literally -- Rudy was texting with somebody he believes is Ivanka Trump about the "rumor" going around about him, which is presumably this thing about his chram, and says he is waiting to speak to Ivanka's father about it. He is actually texting with the vice president of the College Democrats of Indiana.
No, we're not kidding. The texts start on October 4, but this afternoon dude decided to text Rudy again. In other words, Rudy has believed this guy is Ivanka with a new number for 17 days now:
UPDATE: OUR BAD. Those Ivanka texts were fake. We saw Rachel Maddow retweet them and a Politico guy retweet them, and lots of other people fell for it too, anyway, GOOD PUNKING, GUY.
Also, considering Rudy Giuliani's history, it was only too plausible. Anyway.
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