Rudy Giuliani Will Be Lucky To Get Custody Of Both His Old Man Balls In This Divorce

You guys, it's not nice to laugh at other people's misery. Divorce is a very serious matter, even when it's Rudy Giuliani and his third wife trying to consciously uncouple while screaming at each other in the country club gift shop. So let's be be respectful, okay?

AHAHAHAHAHAHA! JUST KIDDING! Look at these assholes right here!

The Daily Beast reports:

"There was an issue at one of the clubs last week," Lisa Zeiderman, one of Giuliani's attorneys, previously told [Justice Michael] Katz. "We're going to ask that Ms. Giuliani just keep her distance from Mr. Giuliani when they're at clubs together and their children, as well, and not take photographs, because that's what was happening last weekend, I'm advised, at one of the clubs."

"He just wants to be left alone," Zeiderman had said.

One of Judith's lawyers had responded that Giuliani was just embarrassed to be spotted spending money on his purported girlfriend's daughter. (Giuliani denied this after that hearing.)

[Judith's lawyer Bernard] Clair had told Katz that "she went into the gift shop at the club. She saw Mr. Giuliani. He got anxious and yelled at her."

"I am tired of hearing about Mr. Giuliani's personal life," Katz had remarked, later saying, "Whoever is in the room first is allowed to stay in the room."

The guy who announced his divorce from his second wife in a press conference would like Judith Nathan Giuliani, the woman who required a separate seat on the campaign plane for her Louis Vuitton handbag, to show some fuckin' class!

We'll get to yesterday's courtroom theatrics in a hot second -- Spoiler Alert: It's always about MONEY! -- but first, a wee Friday Afternoon Lawsplainer on the exciting topic of Imputed Income.

Let's say that you are a high-earning individual named, say, Judi Riuliani. In 2016, you earned approximately $8 million, and in 2017, you brought home $9.5 million. After 15 years of wedded bliss, you decide that you don't want to be married to your wife Nudith Jathan any more. Or maybe she finally got tired of watching you run around with slightly younger versions of herself and changed the locks, who knows? The point is, if she files for divorce, can you quit your job rather than pay her alimony?

And the answer is ... probably NOT. Because if you deliberately impoverish yourself to avoid paying your support obligations, the court may well "impute" income to your side of the ledger commensurate with your prior earning ability, and calculate your spousal and/or child support payments accordingly.

So if you, for example, decide to devote yourself to defending the "billionaire" president of the United Sates pro bono and you leave your fancy law firm job, it's entirely possible that the court will find that you did it on purpose to get out of having to subsidize your ex-wife. Or as Nathan's attorney Bernard Clair put it, "Mr. Giuliani has taken it upon himself to radically change the financial status quo that existed prior to this action," going on to describe it as a case of "SIDS... sudden income deficit syndrome." Haw haw. In fact, Clair alleges that representing Donald Trump is actually costing Rudy money, since he's constantly having to travel to DC to meet with his non-paying client.

Giuliani is still on track to earn $1.4 million this year, which is a lot of money. Except between the two of them, Rudy Giuliani and his ex-wife have a burn rate approaching $500,000 per month. And we are not a math major, but something's gotta give here. Apparently Rudy was so broke that he had to borrow $100,000 from his law partner Michael Mukasey to pay his taxes, because "my wife has tied up all my money," referring to a joint account with $5 million he claims to be locked out of. Although, according to his ex-wife's lawyer, he does have money for $40,000 of dental work for his girlfriend's son, a $50,000 private plane "subscription," and a trip to see the Yankees play in London.

Aside from the delicious schadenfreude of the whole thing, we literally could not care less what happens to these disgusting grifters. But we do have one serious question here.

HOW THE FUCK DOES A SERIAL PHILANDERER WHO'S BEEN MARRIED THREE TIMES NOT HAVE A PRENUP?!?!? Rudy Giuliani is a practicing lawyer who already danced this dance once with his second wife, Donna Hanover, who secured almost $7 million in their 2002 divorce settlement. Between the two of them, Rudy and Judy have been married six times, and they don't have a pre-nuptial agreement? How is that even possible?

Donald Trump's a goddamn idiot, but at least that guy was smart enough to protect his assets after the first messy divorce from Ivana. And he managed to con his dumbass buddy out of hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of legal fees, too, but we digress. So, congrats, Rudes -- you're actually dumber than Donald Trump. And you're about to get taken to the cleaners.

And now, you lucky duckies, it's your OPEN THREAD!

[DB / NYPost / WealthAdvisor]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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