We know, we know, we just finished saying nobody gives a fuck about Hunter Biden and we're not writing about him anymore. We said that about Hillary Clinton's emails too, and that story, stupid as it was, had one thousand times more credibility than this imaginary Hunter Biden laptop Rudy Giuliani found in an unmarked Russian van down by the (Volga) river, or Delaware, or something.

But this Rudy Giuliani interview on Fox Business with Kennedy, the former MTV VJ who now does a job with less journalistic credibility than "MTV VJ," is the funniest thing we have seen all week, and Rudy Giuliani is so mad at her now.

We're going to just spoiler the ending, because Kennedy said Giuliani is acting like a common Christopher Steele making a DOSSIER, and by Rudy's reaction you would have thought Kennedy had called him a pedophile. (Fun fact: In the interview, Giuliani continually insinuates that Hunter Biden is a pedophile, and then backs off every time he's asked a direct question about it.)

In the real world, Christopher Steele is a highly respected former spy and ally of the United States who compiled intel on Donald Trump, some of which has been verified, some of which appears to be Russian desinformatziya planted to distract from the real stuff, and some that's not been verifiable either way. But on Fox News, if you call somebody a DOSSIER MAKER, you better be ready to take this behind the gym after third period and get beat up! By Rudy Giuliani!


Here is the full interview, for your enjoying:

"This may be the last time we'll be on camera because I don't let people call me Christopher Steele," said Rudy Giuliani, former US attorney, who appears to think there is a section of defamation law where if you call somebody "Christopher Steele," you are automatically guilty of libel. "What you're saying is an outrageous defamation of me, of my reputation," said Rudy Giuliani, who apparently hasn't heard about his "reputation" these days. Hell, even before Borat was telling him to PUT DOWN YOUR CHRAM, Rudy was pretty much the laughingstock of the entire legal profession.

Of course, we'd never call Rudy a common "Christopher Steele," because that guy at least produced some good intel.

Mediaite has more quotes:

"I'm accusing you of acting in a capacity to Christopher Steele, and that you were going back and forth between Ukraine and the United States…" Kennedy said as Giuliani went off. "Similar to a CROOK?!" Giuliani said. "What you are saying is an outrageous defamation of me, of my reputation! Every single thing is here! And I want you to look at it, and then you apologize to me!"

SPOILER: Rudy Giuliani did not show Kennedy "laptop," because we think he may have hallucinated "laptop." He wouldn't even show it to the Daily Caller, which obviously wouldn't do any real journalism on "laptop," because it's full of hacks. (Are we saying the Daily Caller is full of hacks or "laptop" is full of hacks? Yes.)

Kennedy calmly pointed out that she was merely "asserting that Eastern Europe is a cesspool [of spies]," which made Rudy very mad because he didn't GET THIS from "Eastern Europe," he got it from REPAIRMAN IN DELAWARE WHO HAD IT AND IT WAS REAL AND HE HAS IT NOW.

Kennedy noted that if Rudy Giuliani has indeed cracked the encryption on the very real laptop like he says he has, how can he be sure other people haven't also done that and planted stuff on there to trick Rudy, who is very stupid? (She did not call him stupid.) "When will you show the evidence?"

GIULIANI: I have! I gave it all to the New York Post, and they've done their own separate verification of it with independent experts, and they came to the conclusion that it's his hard drive! There are internal pieces of information here that only he could have, that I know from my investigation! We also have his signature ...

Yes, the New York Post. That place where they do "journalism." Even after the Fox News news division totally passed on the story, because of how it was unverifiable bullshit. Anyway, they "verified" there were "pieces of information here that only he could have," which were also reportedly being peddled a year ago in Ukraine, isn't that weird?

"We have not been able to verify large swaths of the material," noted Kennedy, because of how the laptop is bullshit. Which led Rudy to YELL, "You think Rupert Murdoch would let [the New York Post] print false material?" "Heavens no!" said Kennedy with a smirk, because she knows where she works.

The entire interview was like this.

Earlier, Rudy hilariously tried to explain that "laptop" was given to him by his own lawyer, who "felt very sorry for him" that nobody was paying attention to the very real "intel" Rudy has been getting in Ukraine the past two years. He then explained what is on "laptop," which is real, and which he got "about 10 days ago" (he thinks):

GIULIANI: I'm still discovering things. Just today, I discovered a, last night, we discovered it contains audio recordings that he didn't realize were up in the cloud, and then, in his drive. And one of them is very incriminating, it's a recording in which he talks about the Chinese Spymaster that he and his father are in business with, and one of the chief intelligence officers in China, who subsequently has been murdered by the Chinese, and he has a description of that in his own voice, so all this nonsense about it's not his hard drive is now completely silly because we now have his voice, in the hard drive!

Oh, all of that sounds very legit, Rudy! Hunter Biden is talking on "laptop" about "Chinese Spymaster" who is boss of him and his dad!

GIULIANI: I also found, just today, an entirely new, uh, uh, more money from the Chinese! Another 10 million dollars that went into the company that Joe is a 10 percent partner of!

Oh wow! More facts!

GIULIANI: THIS IS HUNTER BIDEN'S LAPTOP! HIS VOICE IS ON IT! HIS SIGNATURE IS ON THE RECEIPT! THERE ARE THINGS IN HERE THAT ONLY HE COULD KNOW! AND WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE PHOTOGRAPH SECTION ...

"The photograph section," of "laptop."

GIULIANI: AND IT'S DISGUSTING, AND IT INCLUDES A LARGE NUMBER OF UNDERAGE GIRLS!

We bet.

GIULIANI: HE ADMITS TO HIS FATHER THAT HE WAS A DANGER TO THE KIDS! AND JOE BIDEN DOES NOTHING ABOUT IT, AND THE FBI HAS DONE NOTHING ABOUT IT, AND THE POLICE HAVE DONE NOTHING ABOUT IT, BECAUSE THEY'RE BIDENS, AND BIDENS CAN GET AWAY WITH $40 MILLION IN BRIBES, AND THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH ENDANGERING KIDS!

Kennedy asked, "Are you asserting that local and federal law enforcement are allowing young children to be abused to protect the Bidens?"

GIULIANI: I didn't say "abused."

Oh. Fair enough. He just said there are "underage girls" on the laptop without providing information like whether it's kiddie porn or pics of Hunter Biden's kids at Thanksgiving, because he wants to insinuate for moron Fox viewers that Hunter Biden is a pedophile.

Kennedy noted that Giuliani's source for all this is Andrii Derkach, a Ukrainian lawmaker who is literally a Russian asset, and who now says there is a SECOND Hunter Biden laptop, because we guess Hunter Biden just drops laptops on the sidewalk like loose change all the time.

GIULIANI: He did have other laptops! I know of two others that are in possession of other people! I don't have ... this laptop might have been his main one, but there are whole gaps in this laptop also, there are four or five months where there's nothing in here, so he must have been using another one!

Cool. New "laptops" from Rudy Giuliani on their way, you betcha!

Anyway, Rudy Giuliani would like APOLOGY from Kennedy, when she sees that THERE ARE these things on LAPTOP, which he will definitely show her if she comes to his office. Let him tuck in his shirt first, though!

Speaking of, toward the end, with Rudy still yapping like a crazy person, Kennedy lamented that she hadn't even gotten to "the part about Borat," noting that she thought it was pretty gross and wanted to give him a chance to respond. But he got mad about that too, and he is never ever coming back.

KENNEDY: You can't tell me you haven't loved this conversation.

GIULIANI: I did not like this conversation.

Because Kennedy called him CHRISTOPHER STEELE, and that guy is "a piece of junk," says Rudy Giuliani, who is not a "piece of junk," and has a very good working brain that has not been completely infiltrated by Russian spies.

Yep.

[Mediaite]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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