Rudy Giuliani's Brain Seems To Have Gotten Out Of Its Kennel Again

Another day, another edition of RUDY GIULIANI IS SAYING STUPIDS WITH HIS FACE. When we last left off, he was telling reporters it was totally cool for the Trump campaign to collude with WikiLeaks (a Russian intelligence front) because all those stolen Hillary/DNC emails were just like a little present WikiLeaks gave the Trump campaign. Who among us does not like little presents? (WONKETTE DOES!) Even better, it was the exact little present Donald Trump asked for, in public! "Russia, if you're listening!" AND THEY WERE.

Giuliani also said we can't trust what DEEP STATE SPYGATERS like John Brennan and James Clapper say about how WikiLeaks stole those emails, because Rudy Giuliani doesn't trust those guys as far as he can throw them, which is not very far, because Rudy Giuliani is a tiny little frail senile trash fuckhead with the face of a constipated chihuahua, and moreover, he doesn't even lift, bro.

Well, unfortunately for all of us, Giuliani did ANOTHER INTERVIEW, this time with the Washington Post, and he made some of his trademark completely batshit news. For one thing, he has decided that yes, fine, sure, Donald Trump can do an interview with Robert Mueller, even though that means Trump will just lie his face off. Giuliani just wants to make Trump happy, and telling "his side of the story" will make Trump happy. Also, Giuliani thinks that will end the whole Mueller investigation, because Rudy Giuliani is a bad lawyer who doesn't understand how these things work and probably never did:

“The safe course you hear every lawyer say is don’t do the interview, and that’s easy to say in the abstract."

"In the abstract" is another way of saying "if I were good at law."

That’s much harder when you have a client who is the president of the United States and wants to be interviewed.”

Or when your client is a fucking idiot who refuses to listen to his lawyers' advice.

But he's still worried. What if Trump goes in there and just lies? Won't that be very unfair of Robert Mueller to ask Trump questions that force Trump to say nasty disgusting lies? Or perhaps more accurately (read: inaccurately), what if Trump goes in there and tells Mueller ALTERNATIVE TRUTHS like a common Kellyanne Conway?

Giuliani said he was concerned that the president would become a target or that the interview would be a perjury trap, because the “truth is relative.” [...]

“They may have a different version of the truth than we do,” Giuliani said.

Yeah, what if Robert Mueller is all "I have 100% proof of what actually happened here" and Trump is like "NUH UH NO COLLUSION, YOU ARE THE COLLUSION, EVEN THOUGH MY LAWYER RUDY GIULIANI ADMITS ALL THE TIME THAT I AM THE COLLUSION"? Truly, they would find themselves at an impasse, because everybody knows the president of the United States is entitled to his own pretend version of the truth.

Anyway, how very freshman philosophy class of Rudy Giuliani! Next he will be asking "what is art," followed by "who am I," and waxing poetic about if we are even here or if observable reality is just a giant construct. Do we all exist in a giant computer, or maybe inside somebody's imagination?

And if so, how can Trump and his people have truly conspired with Russia, or obstructed justice? Tell us THAT one, why dontcha!

Final thoughts from Rudy Giuliani, at least until he opens his scowling yip yap again five minutes from now:

“He feels the public opinion is turning in his favor,” Giuliani said.

“Why is this still going on? Whatever they have — why don’t they conclude it?” Giuliani said, describing the president’s thinking. “His tweeting has been effective.”

We know the historical record says Rudy Giuliani used to be a US attorney who did investigations and stuff, but we are becoming increasingly convinced that is fake news and that the old Rudy Giuliani was a completely different man from this blithering fucknoodle before us.

Perhaps that's just an alternative version of the truth, OH NO, DON'T PERJURY TRAP US, ROBERT MUELLER!

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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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