Rudy Giuliani went on "Meet the Press" Sunday to have a little discussion of epistemology with Chuck Todd, and he went way past postmodernism. Truth isn't merely socially constructed for this administration, it isn't even truth. Considering this administration started its first full day on the job with Kellyanne Conway heralding the age of "alternative facts," it only stands to reason the "president's" lawyer would insist "truth isn't truth." America has been stuck in Orwell Mode for quite a while now, only it turns out Big Brother is Billy Madison, and everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to any of this.

The two philosophes did their best to hammer the very life out of Socratic dialogue in a discussion of why Donald Trump still hasn't sat down for an interview with special counsel Robert Mueller. Obviously, it's because if they rush into things, that would just be a big ol' perjury trap!

Giuliani: I'm not going to be rushed into having him testify so that he gets trapped into perjury. When you tell me that, you know, "He should testify because he's going to tell the truth and he shouldn't worry," well that's so silly because it's somebody's version of the truth. Not the truth. He didn't have a conversation about --

Todd: Truth is truth. I don't mean to --

Giuliani: No, it isn't truth. Truth isn't truth! The President of the United States says, "I didn't -- "

Todd: Truth isn't truth? Mr. Mayor, do you realize what -- I, I, I --

Giuliani: No, no, no --

Todd: This going to become a bad meme.

Giuliani: Don't do this to me (mimicking Todd facepalming)

Todd: Don't do "Truth isn't truth" to me!

Giuliani went on to explain that no one can ever know what TRVTH is, even, because just look how sometimes two people remember things differently, ergo truth is utterly unknowable, which makes presidential perjury unpossible, you fools, UNPOSSIBLE!

Donald Trump says, 'I didn't talk about Flynn with Comey.' Comey says, 'You did talk about it.' So tell me what the truth is [...]

They have two pieces of evidence, Trump says I didn't tell them and the other guy says that he did say it, which is the truth? Maybe you know because you're a genius.

Oh, gosh, two people say different things sometimes? Guess we'd better toss out the entire legal system, because who can ever know? Obviously, said Guiliani, we have to fire Mueller, who's Comey's best friend, and we can't trust any of the FBI people who make notes on Comey telling them about the conversation at the time, because they all work for the FBI and are therefore liars who are out to get Trump, too. Giuliani later took to the Twitters to explain he wasn't either being philosophical, he was simply saying if two witnesses disagree, you can't believe either, so there:

Also LOL, "moral theology."

On Fox Business this morning, Trump's pro bono television lawyer Alan Dershowitz took his own shot at 'splainering what Giuliani meant (but did not say):

Giuliani was simply "inartful," but it's the same point: If Comey gave a different answer, then no defense attorney would let their client testify they never had such a conversation. even if the client believes it's a truthful statement, because the attorney knows another witness would contradict it. And that's the true meaning of perjury trap, Charlie Brown.

Politico helpfully notes Giuliani has been full postmodernist on this matter for some time. Perhaps because when a party spends 30 years with its evangelical base insisting there are eternal, unquestionable Truths that drive them to insist math has to get rid of "X" because no value can ever be variable, the urge to be a hypocrite is irresistible.

Last week on CNN, he rejected Chris Cuomo's assertion that "facts are not in the eye of the beholder."

"Yes, they are," Giuliani said. "Nowadays they are."

In May, the former New York mayor pursued a similar line of thought in an interview with The Washington Post about the Mueller investigation: "They may have a different version of the truth than we do."

Also, after the latest round of tell-all books, Team Trump is wishing very fondly for the Death of the Author, so there's that.

Yr Wonkette welcomes the arrival of the phrase that will almost certainly become shorthand to define the Trump Years, as surely as Nixon was summed up by "I am not a crook" or Rick Perry by "Oops." Although of course this assumes no other whopper outshines it, which after less than two years, seems unlikely.

Yr Wonkette can now report that instead of letting Mueller interview Donald Trump at all, the White House plans instead to simply screen Rashomon while Giuliani jumps up and down exclaiming, "See? SEE?!! That's what I'm talkin' about!"

When they go dumbass, we go smartass. Support well-informed smartassery by sending Yr Wonkette some money! Or click the tip jar below!

[NBC News / Fox Business / Politico]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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