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It's not a lie if you just made it up on the spot and hoped it might actually true! Thus reads the family crest of the fabled House of Giuliani, a motto the patriarch strives to live by every day. On Sunday, he told CNN, "Up until November 2016, they could have had a conversation about Trump Tower Moscow, and it went nowhere [...] It was a real estate project. There was a letter of intent to go forward, but no one signed it."

LOL, ooops!

In fact, CNN's Chris Cuomo revealed last night that Trump did sign a Letter of Intent (LOI) with Russian developer Andrey Rozov on October 28, 2015. That would be four months after officially announcing his intention to run for president on June 16 of that year. So your president spent at least a year simultaneously running for the highest office in the land while negotiating to build a tower financed by sanctioned Russian bank VTB.

Hey, remember all those times when Donald Trump said NO PUPPET, NO PUPPET, HILLARY CLINTON IS THE REAL RUSSIAN PUPPET?


Donald Trump: 'I Have Nothing To Do With Russia, Folks' | NBC News www.youtube.com

After first denying that he'd ever said the LOI was unsigned -- that little lady Dana Bash must be confused -- Giuliani told the NY Daily News that he'd handed the signed copy over to Mueller. And anyway, signing a Letter of Intent isn't actually an expression of, you know, intent.

But Giuliani claimed the letter was "bulls--t" because it didn't go anywhere. "That was the end of it," Giuliani said. "It means nothing but an expression of interest that means very little unless it goes to a contract and it never did."

Giuliani said Trump's legal team has handed over the signed Moscow letter to Robert Mueller's team as part of the 1.4 million documents submitted to the special counsel.

UH HUH.

This steaming pile of horse shit smells even weirder in light of testimony to the House Intelligence Committee by Trump's own son and his lawyer confirming that the LOI was signed. CNN reports:

In 2017, Cohen told congressional committees investigating Russian interference in the 2016 election that Trump had signed the letter. Donald Trump Jr. also testified to Congress that his father signed the letter of intent.

When they're looking to coordinate a coverup, they're really not sending their best.

But while we're here, let's take a little looksee at some of the details of the proposed agreement for the Trump Tower Moscow, which was totally hushhush for all parties except Donald Trump, who could run his mouth freely.

So far, so normal. Although the residents of Moscow must be gutted that they'll never get the opportunity to visit "The Spa by Ivanka Trump," for therapeutic injections of "Complicit" to erase those fine lines that come with a functioning conscience.

And speaking of Ivanka, she and her family would have cleaned up on this deal, raking in a $4 million "Up-Front Fee," 3-4 percent of gross operating revenues as management commission, 20 percent of adjusted gross operating profit as an "incentive fee," 2 percent of gross operating revenues for joint marketing with other Trump-branded properties, and commissions on every apartment sale.

See if you can spot anything odd in the sales commission structure.

OMG, so generous! On apartments sold for less than $100 million, Trump's cut was 5 percent. But on units sold for more than $1 billion, he'd take haircut and accept a 1 percent commission. We'd sure like to see one of those confidential LOIs from Trump's other properties, just to compare. Was he smoking crack when he drafted an agreement that contemplated a billion dollar unit in one of his garbage palaces? Or was this a special deal in Moscow, for oligarchs who just feel like handing over a giant pile of cash to the American president for reasons?

WATCH THIS SPACE!

[CNN / Letter of Intent / CNN, again / NY Daily News]

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Welcome to another edition of Yr Sunday Nice Things feature, where we take a break from the daily craziness so we can decompress for a little while. Today, we're going to relax with the ineffable mental calm that comes from an oddly rectangular English cow. It's really beautiful to see what can happen when people all over the internet come together to collaborate on a little art project. We call it...

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