We knew that little chucklefucker was warming up to sing, but we didn't expect him to bust out into The Ring Cycle tonight!

HO. LEE. SHIT. The House Intelligence Committee just dropped a whole load of Lev Parnas's receipts and they are craaaaaaaaaazy.

Does this read like these guys are putting a hit out on former ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch, or what?

That sweetheart in blue is Robert Hyde, current congressional candidate in Connecticut's 5th congressional district. He was recently disowned by the Republican party for tweeting something so crude about Kamala Harris that none of the articles about him will even allude to it obliquely. And if you guessed he's a guy with a string of bad debts who's behind on his child support payments, you'd be right!

So naturally he and Donald Trump are good pals.


Starting in March of 2019, Hyde and Lev Parnas appear to have been monitoring Ambassador Yovanovitch's movements at the embassy in Kiev.

"Wow. Can't believe Trumo [sic] hasn't fired this bitch. I'll get right in that," Hyde told Parnas in an encrypted text on March 23, adding later, "She under heavy protection outside Kiev." Parnas continued to forward inflammatory articles and tweets by Fox shit-stirrers Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham, spiced up with hit-pieces on Yovanovitch by Ryan Saavedra at The Daily Wire.

Then on the 25th, Hyde wrote, "What should I do with this? ... They are moving her tomorrow ... The guys over they [sic] asked me what I would like to do and what is in it for them," and later, "They are willing to help if we/you would like a price ... Guess you can do anything in Ukraine with money." To which Parnas responded, "Lol."

The next day he texted, "If you want her out, you need to make contact with security forces ... From Ukrainians."

Hey, remember Marie Yovanovitch testifying that she got a 1:00 a.m. phone call on April 24 saying that she "needed to be on the next plane home to Washington" and "this is about your security?" Remember when Donald Trump told Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy during their infamous July 25 call that Yovanovitch was "going to go through some things?" Because that starts to look a lot more sinister in light of Parnas's texts.

But don't worry, because ABC producer Anne Flaherty got in touch with Robert Hyde to ask if there was a plot to harm Ambassador Yovanovitch, and he said "absolutely not." So, case closed.

Okay, let's back up here. Are you taking notes on a criminal fucking conspiracy?

Yes, yes they were. And it is every single thing we've been saying it was for freaking months. This was a conspiracy to trade dirt on Biden to the Justice Department to get the bribery case against oligarch Dmitry Firtash dismissed, and Lev Parnas wrote it all down on stationary from the Ritz-Carlton, Vienna. Just look at this insanity!

Overall goals: "Get Zalensky to Annonce that Biden will be investigated." [sic obviously sic everything with these fucking idiots is "sic"]

How you gonna make that happen, Lev? Can you lay it out in like four easy steps?

Super, thanks!

So you're going to assemble a "package" of dirt on Joe Biden to bring to DC so you can "cut deal." And the disheveled hairball lawyers Victoria Toensing and Joe diGenova are getting paid $100,000/month. You forgot to write "with that hacky disgrace John Solomon" after "Begin media campaign," but those hotel notepads are pretty small. Hey, can you just make sure to write down exactly who was bankrolling this whole endeavor?

Oh Dmitry "Firtish," the Ukrainian natural gas oligarch who fired Lanny Davis in July and then hired Victoria Toensing? So this little business plan is from early summer. Got it.

So, you need to get the "Ukrain Ledger" on "Zlochefks" so you can "cut deal" or "get dismissed" the pending extradition order to bring him to the US to face bribery charges? Thanks for making that totally clear. Anything else you want to get off your chest, little buddy?

UH HUH. The criminal conspiracy included setting aside $100,000 to hire DC "Lobbiests" Brian Ballard or Robert Stryk, who represent such human rights luminaries as the Democratic Republic of Congo and Zimbabwe, to flog their case to Congress. Looks like they probably went with Ballard, since he's the one who got subpoenaed in November in connection to this case.

Obviously this $22,500 check from Ballard to Parnas in September had nothing whatsoever to do with Firtash.

We go now to former police chief and current congresswoman Val Demings for comment ...

Yeah, pretty much.

This is complicated! Perhaps a chart would help?

Hey, we just happen to have one right here! It's from our story on October 28 entitled "Help, Please Explain All Rudy & The Chucklefux Weird Ukraine Ties, They Are Too Confuuuuse!"

Holds up, huh?

But how do we know Rudy Giuliani was REALLY involved here?

Would this May 10 letter to then-President Elect Zelenskyy requestiong meeting "In my capacity as personal counsel to President Trump and with his knowledge and consent" to discuss a "specific request" do it for you? Because that would establish beyond a shadow of a doubt that Giuliani was NOT representing the interests of the United States when he went over there to lean on Zelenskyy to investigate Joe Biden.

Rudy admitted to the New York Times on May 9 that this field trip was all about the investigation of Joe Biden:

"We're not meddling in an election, we're meddling in an investigation, which we have a right to do," Mr. Giuliani said in an interview on Thursday when asked about the parallel to the special counsel's inquiry.

"There's nothing illegal about it," he said. "Somebody could say it's improper. And this isn't foreign policy — I'm asking them to do an investigation that they're doing already and that other people are telling them to stop. And I'm going to give them reasons why they shouldn't stop it because that information will be very, very helpful to my client, and may turn out to be helpful to my government."

That's the trip Rudy canceled, at the last minute, saying, "I'm not going to go because I think I'm walking into a group of people that are enemies of the president, in some cases, enemies of the United States." Only it looks like the Ukrainians actually canceled on him, and he decided to slime them instead.

Oh, RUDY.

FFS, is that all?

Well, no. There is so, so much more. But let's leave for tomorrow all the details of Lev's conspiracy with the Ukrainians to gin up dirt on Biden. There is a debate liveblog happening right now, because Your Wonkette is a full-service Mommyblog!

Dammit, BREAKING!

Okay, just one more thing, because, whoa, this Robert Hyde guy is NUTS! The Hartford Courant reports that in May, after Parnas and Giuliani managed to get Yovanovitch booted, "Hyde was removed by police from Trump National Doral Miami in Florida. According to an incident report filed by the Doral police department, Hyde told the responding officer that he was in fear for his life and 'a hit man was out to get him.'"

Hyde also claimed that "his computer had been hacked by the Secret Service and that the Secret Service was watching him at the premises, according to the incident report." Which was probably not far off the truth, considering he was at a facility owned by the President. Or it could have been the SDNY all up in his shit, since they seem to have been on to this conspiracy from the jump.

Oh, and Hyde took advantage of the media attention this evening to tweet and then delete this charming message.

I just can't wait for my attorney. He's probably going to be pissed I put this out there before he wrote a statement. But most reporters are scumbags. Here's what I paid last year in child support. Not anything else, not lawyers, not motions in court, not anything but child support. I couldn't standby any longer when that very fat nasty girl Erica L and my kids mom calls me a 'deadbeat'. Pretty sure the L stands for losers in both names.

I love my son, miss my son and he is a big part of why I'm running for office. #hyde2020 #fixit

No doubt his attorney was duly impressed. And so are we.

[HPSCI Docs / Hartford Courant / NYT]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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