Rumors On The Internets: The Ghost Of TeeVee Future

  • Oprah's not running, gives Larry King her "O-face" tonight, wants Obama in '08. [The Swamp]

  • Pervez "Perv" Musharraf to announce on The Daily Show tonight that'd he'd gladly give up his nuclear arsenal to get in "the sheets with Angelina Jolie." [The Corsair]

  • White House plans to declassify National Intelligence Estimate, but just that part that says, "we're safer, bitches." [Shakespeare's Sister]

  • George Allen's two favorite words on display together at the Zoo. [Andrew Sullivan]

  • Vote for Montana Senate candidate Jon Tester because he's a hunka hot man, also because he's not Conrad Burns. [Boozhy]

  • Trendsetter Hugo Chavez inspires Jerry Falwell to return to his roots making sure we all know who the devil really is. [Think Progress]

  • The counter-terrorism plan Bill Clinton claims he left in place? It had to be scrapped because the ninja's inability to get security-clearances after 9/11. [IMAO]

  • Bloggers invited to the Coburn-Obama signing! Luckily, not us.[TPMMuckraker]
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Oh hi! Michael Cohen is going to jail, because he is guilty! Just like Paul Manafort is guilty and GO THE FUCK TO JAIL! WHERE HE ALREADY WAS! (Read up on that here!) And all this news came out in the same hour, somehow, because we live in the dumbest fucking episode of "Law & Order" Dick Wolf ever threw on the cutting room floor, on account of how it was too stupid for words.

However, Cohen avoided a big nasty trial (or series of trials, like Manafort opted for) by just cold pleading guilty to a buncha fuckin' crimes, like a crimer who does a buncha fuckin' crimes all the time. And he implicated Donald Trump in a couple of them!

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HOLY FUCK this afternoon! Michael Cohen just finished a hearing in a New York courtroom where he said, "DURRRR I AM SO GUILTY," but this post is not about that. This post is about how Paul Manafort verdict has just come out! He has been found guilty on eight of the 18 charges he faced in the Eastern District of Virginia (EDVA). The jury is hopelessly deadlocked on the other 10, and so a mistrial will be declared on those and Paul Manafort may get to be retried on them, in addition to his next trial over conspiracies against the United States and witness tampering, which starts next month in Washington DC. Maybe the government will decide Manafort is going to die in jail anyway, and play hooky from retrying those other counts. They probably need a vacay, don't you think?

Trump really does hire the best people!

NBC News's Ken Dilanian broke the news that Manafort has been convicted on five counts of tax fraud, one count of failing to report a foreign bank account on an IRS form, and two charges of bank fraud. The short version of that is that he is guilty of EIGHT FEDERAL FELONIES (so far) and he is going to jail for EIGHT MILLION YEARS for each count. (OK, that is probably not completely accurate. But still, welcome to prison, Paul Manafort!)

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