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Can you feel the JINPATGILGRAHAMSANTORUMMENTUM? No, it's not you: nobody can. We won't even have Carly Fiorina's immobile Disney Frozen face to make fun of, since she's up at the big boys' table now! And our studly Hot Daddy Rick Perry has gone to play fetch with all the good dogs in heaven. But be ready anyway, because in just a few minutes we will be bringing you liveblogging of the zzzzzzzz. Wait, no, we mean this is going to be GREAT.

Say, while we're waiting for this shindig to start, have you voted in the Wonkette Primary for Libtards yet? To vote for Bernie Sanders, buy this thing! To vote for Hillz Clinton, buy this other thing! To vote for Jim Webb, I dunno, maybe Slate's got something, they seem terrible. As of today, the vote stands at Bernie Sanders: 354; Hillary Clinton: 35. That is like at least three times as much! Break out your money orders and cash on delivery envelopes, Hillzaniacs, because women love to shop and something something SHOOOZ!

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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