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Yesterday, Grandma Kaili told you Wonkers about a new CDC study that says Kids These Days are real fuckin' boring, in that they don't go under the bleachers at school and play sex games on each other, and they don't smoke drugs, because they are all dorks who spend all day in the math lounge saying math jokes to each other, about math. Of course many people think that this is good, as if somehow access to better sex education (not through abstinence sex ed, but through their iPhones, about STDs and stuff, you dumb wingnut twats) and kids waiting until they're ready, and not having all the babies and abortions when they're 14 is some kind of good thing.

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But not Rush Limbaugh. He is very pissed off, but for different Kids These Days reasons from Grandma Kaili's reasons. You see, this is all the liberals' fault, what with there's so much sex on teevee now that kids aren't even interested in doing sex to each other, they can just IMAGINE it, and why did I refill my Viagra prescription then and wait, this study doesn't include people from the Dominican Republic, does it? Oh good, that's a relief. Rush doesn't seem to be too worried about how girls aren't fucking, though, but those boys, what PUSSIES:

Well what have we turned boys into in 2015? No I'm serious, folks. ... When I ask this question just imagine, think, observe, all that you know and have seen. What have we turned boys into in 2015? What are they?

Well they're a mixture of things.

Snips, snails, puppy dog tails? Sorry, we'll stop joking, Rush is a very serious thinker:

They are either bullies, or predators, or brutes, or they are pajama boys! Timid, metrosexuals, feminists in their own minds, playing now a secondary role, because they have been made to feel guilty over the transgressions that men have committed previously. So now they are drugged up, in order to keep them quiet and content and out of everybody's way, and while they're drugged up they're watching video games, some of them violent, some of them pornographic.

All those Kids These Days, "watching" their MTV video game pornos, because feminazis :(

Rush has made sweet Viagra love to this chicken before, about how it just sucks how "no" means "no," which takes all the romance out of seducing people who don't want to bone you with their manholes or ladyholes or whatever Rush is into, UGH.

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In many places, because of the political agenda attached, heterosexual sex on television is often portrayed as violent and aggressive towards women, rape or just short of it. On the other hand, it's also, gay sex is portrayed as loving, sensitive, fun, hip, natural, normal, cool, you name it. Those kind of descriptions of heterosexual sex on TV cannot be universally attached.

We're not sure he is right about there being no hot steamy hetero sex on the TV anymore, or how it's all about how men are terrible and bad and rapey. Maybe he just watched a lot of TLC last season.

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We will agree, though, that gay sex can be loving, sensitive, fun, hip, natural, normal, cool AND you name it, due to we've done it like so many times!

Now if you are a young boy who feels like an outsider, self-esteem problems, don't have a lot of self-confidence, for whatever reason you just aren't in the big clique, and you you're never going to get in a big clique, what have you...

Hey I just met you and this is crazy but here's my number call me maybe, if you live in the Dominican Republic.

Doesn't matter anymore, who needs the real thing? You can turn to your phone or your tablet and you can see whatever kind of sex you want, and then you can play all kinda pretend mind games and imagine that you're actually doing it, when you're not.

ONLY LOSERS JERK OFF, real teenage boys FUCK, says family values radio host Rush Limbaugh.

In the process, we have removed all of the mystique and the magic and the wonder and mystery of sex, by just pushing it at kids, constantly pushing it.

We're gonna let you go throw up now while you think of the "mystique and the magic and the wonder and mystery" of sex, however Rush Limbaugh imagines it, in his maybe drug-addled brain.

Need some brain bleach?

[Esquire]

 

 

 

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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