Rush Limbaugh is telling your Republican parents that it's cool to go outside and play right now, because the so-called "experts" in the White House are actually just Deep State plants sent (probably by Hillary Clinton) to make Donald Trump look bad.

You know, Rush Limbaugh has advanced lung cancer and he's not dead yet -- clearly -- but if he keeps going like this, ignoring the actual science about coronavirus, he might end up killing himself at least seven minutes before God planned to, and he might take a bunch of his old-balls-ass listeners with him in the process.


Media Matters has the transcript:

RUSH LIMBAUGH (HOST): It's a fascinating case study to me, and it's worrisome and it's troublesome. And then the other side of it is, through all of this, I've never had any doubt we're going to come out of it. I've never had any doubt we're going to come out of it stronger, and we're going to come out of it healthy.

You hope!

And I think it's imperative that we have somebody like Donald Trump, who is outside the establishment, expert class ...

Oh my fucking LOL. "Expert class." Hey, remember when Rush got a Viagra boner (allegedly!) a few weeks ago imagining "Mister Man" Donald Trump vanquishing big gay Pete Buttigieg in a debate? It is still beyond us how any sentient human being can see Donald Trump -- the world's actual biggest loser, the country's actual stupidest person, the very definition of a poor man's idea of a rich man, who is so weird-looking it elicits an uncanny valley reaction in normal people -- the way Rush Limbaugh sees him, but sure, OK. "Expert class."

You know, we've talked about the "Deep State" all these years since Trump was elected — the Trump-Russia collusion, the FBI — well, the Deep State extends very deeply.

Yeah. Yeah. Yup. Yeah.

And the American people did not elect a bunch of health experts that we don't know.

No, it's just kind of a thing, with presidencies. They have surgeon generals and infectious disease and pandemic specialists and stuff.

We didn't elect a president to defer to a bunch of health experts that we don't know.

TBH yeah we kinda did.

And how do we know they're even health experts?

Google?

[T]hese are all kinds of things that I've been questioning.

Yeah. Yeah. Yup. Yeah.

Where I live, the local town government is driving around town, trying to spot people violating the social distancing ordinances. And when they see it, they publish it on their web site, "This is very troublesome. We at the town are very troubled by groups of people congregating, violating the social distancing."

First the aldermen talked about bad social distancing on Facebook, but I said nothing, just kidding, I agreed with the aldermen, those stupid fuckers need to STAY THE FUCK HOME.

Well, what do you think people are going to do? People are not just going to sit around here and stop living.

Listen to the public health experts in America and every other civilized country, who are all saying STAY THE FUCK HOME, to flatten the curve of the novel coronavirus, so fewer people, especially high-risk people like CURRENT CANCER PATIENTS, die of it?

OK, moving on, because it's getting weird that we and all these other liberals on the internet are frankly more concerned with keeping Fox News viewers and Rush Limbaugh alive than they or their chosen leaders are.

How Long Until The Most Worthless Minds In America Convince Trump To Fire (Maybe) The Only Science Expert We Have Left? (In The Middle Of A Pandemic!)

When fucking Rush LImbaugh talks about "Deep State," we know he is talking about Dr. Anthony Fauci, because they are all so mad at him. (Of course, Rush might also still be mad at the CDC's Nancy Messonnier, who committed the dual sins of teling the truth about coronavirus and also being Rod Rosenstein's sister.)

Fauci says too much science and doesn't even pretend to eat Trump's ass during Trump's daily "EVERYBODY GIVE ME CORONA-LINGUS!" press conferences. For instance, when Trump is blowing smoke up America's ass about supposed coronavirus treatments that may or may not even be viable, Fauci contradicts him! Fauci even does interviews with non-MAGA-approved news sources!

The Washington Post reports this week that on Fox News and out there in the dark taint of the Internet, the MAGA dipshits are training their fire on Fauci in a concerted and special way now. Lou Dobbs says Trump is right about the snake oil coronavirus treatments, and Fauci is wrong, because of how Dobbs is such a total doctor.

One marginally influential MAGA conspiracy theorist, Peter Barry Chowka, says Fauci is a "Deep State Hillary Clinton-loving stooge." And of course, Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man On The Internet -- whose batshit lying blog posts end up in the president's hands -- has embraced a conspiracy theory that reaches all the way back to the Russian WikiLeaks dumps of 2016.

Did you know that one time? At band camp? Anthony Fauci emailed one of Hillary Clinton's aides Cheryl Mills and said Hillary had a lot of "stamina and capability" during the marathon Benghazi hearings? (Which is an empirically true statement?)

JIM HOFT KNOWS IT. And also THAT CHOWKA GUY WE'VE NEVER HEARD OF KNOWS IT.

And if Fauci likes Hillary Clinton, well then, that means he ... is not one of the leading infectious disease specialists on the globe?

Hey look, here's another guy Donald Trump RTs all the time, the one who looks like a Mormon gay porn star:

And this very stable genius:

And then of course, there was the thing with One America News reporter Chanel Rion (shut up, that IS TOO a real non-porn name!), who got to ask a question at White House, even though she was involved in a "documentary" that was just asking questions about whether Fauci made coronavirus in a lab in North Carolina. Or something.

Anyway, all of this is just great and should make you feel very safe to leave your house by Easter, just like Dear Leader wants. (STAY THE FUCK HOME.)

Fauci has served just about every president we've had in our own personal lifetime, he's respected by all who know him, and honestly, he may be the only credible person left on the Trump White House coronavirus task force, because it's possible Dr. Deborah Birx has been turned.

This is not OK:

Look, we've noted that Birx does seem to be much better than Fauci at kissing the ring before delivering the truth, but we've also been worried about some of the statements she's made lately, things that don't quite seem to jibe with either Fauci or the rest of the public health experts we now follow on Twitter. We hope she's OK. (ARE YOU OK, DR. BIRX?)

For now, we hate to say it, but we're taking Birx with a grain of salt.

But not Fauci. And that's why, in the middle of the most dangerous pandemic in a century, the stupidest people in America hate him.

God bless us, everyone.

[Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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