Rush Limbaugh's Crappy Books Will Save Kids From A.P. History
The Grand Freakout over revisions to the Advanced Placement U.S. History (APUSH) exam continues. As you recall, the College Board's changes to the APUSH test -- which downplay memorization and emphasize more engagement with primary historical texts -- have set off all kinds of fretting on the right, which worries that students won't be told that America is the kindest bravest warmest most wonderful nation that's ever existed.
Ben Carson warned that the new standards and test, which he clearly hadn't read, were obviously designed to recruit fighters for ISIS, because they just focus on all the bad stuff in American history. And a Denver-area school district proposed a censorship board that would make sure that all curricular materials presented a positive view of U.S. America, which prompted student walkouts and a firm scolding of those little un-American commies from Gretchen Carlson.
This week, the Wave of Stupid rolled into North Carolina, where the state Board of Education is considering a proposal to oppose the new exam and mandate teaching of "American Exceptionalism," the notion -- named by no less a patriot than Joseph Stalin -- that America is just plain better than ever other country, because it is America, so shut up. The campaign against APUSH is being a-pushed by Larry Krieger, the super-patriot who's seemingly been everywhere opposing the new standards, and who also has a pretty extensive line of test-prep books aimed at preparing students for the old exam, although it would perhaps be ungentlemanly to suggest that his interest in rejecting the new standards could in any way be related to mere personal economic motive. He just loves America and doesn't want vulnerable high school students to be indoctrinated with "globalist" propaganda, when the right thing to do is to indoctrinate them with America-First propaganda. The North Carolina BOE has not yet made any decisions about APUSH yet.
Fortunately, America's worried parents can rest assured that there's at least one brave soul out there ready to
make a quick buck off of them defend American Exceptionalism. Ugly bag of mostly Oxycontin Rush Limbaugh shared some thoughts on the APUSH fight, vowing that his trilogy of crappy children's books -- Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims, Rush Revere and the First Patriots, and Rush Revere and the Easy Royalty Check -- would rescue American education from the commies, globalists, and egghead elitists of the College Board:
They're trying to take the whole concept of American exceptionalism out of the advanced placement history curriculum all through North Carolina. That's why we're doing these books, folks, because there is a thing called American exceptionalism.
In the first of the three books -- which recycles, in kiddie lit format, Limbaugh's bullshit narrative about how the First Thanksgiving celebrated the Pilgrims' victory over socialism -- Limbaugh presents this definition of American exceptionalism, which should pretty much inoculate all upper-elementary children against the lies of every teacher they may encounter in high school:
"American Exceptionalism and greatness means that America is special because it is different from all other countries in history. It is a land built on true freedom and individual liberty and it defends both around the world," Limbaugh wrote. "The sad reality is that since the beginning of time, most citizens of the world have not been free. For hundreds and thousands of years, many people in other civilizations and countries were servants to their kings, leaders, and government."
"The United States of America is unique because it is the exception to all this. Our country is the first country ever to be founded on the principle that all human beings are created as free people. The Founders of this phenomenal country believed all people were born to be free as individuals. And so, they established a government and leadership that recognized and established this for the first time ever in the world."
Oddly enough, the definition doesn't mention slavery, which was apparently just a minor glitch in that whole "all human beings are created as free people" thing. Yes, we know, we are communists for bringing that up. Besides, because of American exceptionalism, we totally fixed that with the briefest and tiniest of Civil Wars, and after that, everyone got on board with the freedom-for-everyone thing, because shining City On a Hill.
Anyway, back to Limbaugh's pitch for his terrible books, which are wildly popular, although even Conservative Teachers of America panned the first outing as being so badly written that Limbaugh "seriously should have considered a ghost writer." Limbaugh modestly explained that he may be one of the few people who can save American history from American History teachers:
That's why we've written the books. They're fun, by the way, too. They're historically accurate. Even adults are telling us on our Facebook page how much they're learning reading our books. That's great. It's such an affirmation. But it's also needed, because this kind of garbage is happening all over, not just North Carolina. American exceptionalism as a premise is under attack everywhere.
Honestly, who do you want teaching your kids history? A bunch of historians who keep noticing that America is imperfect, or a man who has gotten praise on Facebook?
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.