Russia Wants Its CIA Asset Spy Back, HECKUVA JOB, EVERYONE!

That didn't take long.

Ayup, that is the spy we've been talking about all week long, the one who helped the Obama administration figure out things like "Vladimir Putin personally ordered the ratfucking operation to hurt Hillary Clinton and help install Dear Orange Leader Trump in office." Heckuva job, literally everyone!

Business Insider with some more details:

The Russian news agency RIA reported that the Russian government said in its Interpol request that the asset, Oleg Smolenkov, disappeared two years ago and that now, with the media involved, it's "important to carefully study everything and check it again."

The Russian government also expressed concern that the "spy scandal" was created to hurt President Donald Trump "because an electoral campaign has begun in the United States."

Awwww, concern troll is CONCERNED (about its intelligence asset, Donald Trump).

The basic tick-tock of this week is this:

Monday: CNN reports on the very special spy who was extracted in 2017 during a family trip to Montenegro, at least partially over concerns that Trump would burn the spy's identity to Putin, but doesn't say his name, because no shit.

Monday night: NBC News's Ken Dilanian goes to Smolenkov's house, then spends the evening making the rounds on all the shows saying FOUND HIM! FOUND HIM! LOOK AT ME I FOUND HIM! NOT GONNA SAY HIS NAME BUT YOU CAN PROBABLY FIGURE IT OUT IF YOU TRY REAL HARD! FOUND HIM! FOUND HIM! LOOK AT ME I FOUND HIM!

Ken Dilanian is a shitty reporter.

Also Monday night: The New York Times follows up with its own story, gives way more detail on what this Russian source did for America, and more context about why the spy was extracted. Does not name Smolenkov, because again, no shit. Specifically says US officials didn't want it leaked, because of how dude's life could be in danger.

Also too Monday night: Smolenkov and his family reportedly GTFO of their house and go somewhere else.

Tuesday: Russian state media names the guy. Acts like PFFFFFT no big deal, he was the coffee boy, got the coffee for the people, didn't know the things. Dmitry Peskov -- the Stephanie Grisham of the Kremlin (dunno if he's as good a driver as she is) -- says the CNN report is "pulp fiction." The Washington Post also names Smolenkov that day, without saying for sure that he is definitely the spy in question, but by that point, everybody is like "OK wink wink nudge nudge."

Thursday: Russian state media posts a picture of the alleged coffee boy the Kremlin is totally not concerned about. And Russia does the Interpol notice thingie! But for real, Russia is NOT WORRIED ABOUT IT, and DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO TRY TO ASSASSINATE SMOLENKOV ON AMERICAN SOIL OR ANYTHING. You know, unless they do. YOLO!

All of this is totally great. Again, heckuva job, everyone! We live in the most fucked up timeline.

Do we really think Vladimir Putin had no idea where this guy, whom America extracted in 2017 for his own safety, really was? Nah. He knew. But it's not all that important to a person like Putin until or unless that person becomes a source of humiliation for the Kremlin. Like, say, if the media won't shut up all week about how they found this guy and he's living under his real name in the DC suburbs, and oh by the way, we cultivated this guy who rose through the ranks to the point that he could see shit on Putin's desk. Then it becomes embarrassing. And what does Russia particularly not handle well? Humiliation.

We sure do hope the Smolenkov family is under good CIA protection somewhere, and that Donald Trump isn't being allowed anywhere near the truth of their whereabouts, unless we're all in the mood to watch Trump help his Real Daddy Vladdy kidnap or murder a CIA source right before our very eyes. Hell, even if it weren't for Trump's strangely lovey-dovey relationship with Putin, we know that Trump doesn't like spies, not even if they're the foreign kind that helps America. He thinks they're disloyal to their own governments, especially the strongman authoritarian leaders whose approval he so desperately craves, therefore they are bad.

Clearly, this guy was exfiltrated to America for his own safety, but unfortunately, and as we've seen this week and ever since the beginning of the Trump presidency, it looks like he's not safe here either.

Fucking hell.

[Business Insider]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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