Russia

Former Spies Agree: OF COURSE 'But Hunter Biden's Emails!' Is A Russian Op, You Morons

You guys, we know.

The reviews are in, and Rudy Giuliani's attempted 11th hour ratfucking of Joe Biden — a fantastical and ridiculous story of Hunter Biden spilling his deepest darkest secrets by taking his laptop for repair 3,000 miles from his house and leaving it there FOREVER, at which point the laptop repairman exposed its contents not to the FBI but to Rudy Giuliani — is pretty much a dud.

And as Politico reports, spies agree! More than 50 former intel types, from former CIA directors like Michael Hayden and James Clapper, down to former career officials, have signed a letter saying that BUT HUNTER BIDENS EMAILS!1!!1 is a Russian intelligence op, they are pretty sure. These are people who have served all kinds of presidents, including Donald Trump.

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Journamalism

TFW Even Fox News Won't Swallow Your Senile Russian Disinfo Bullsh*t

That's sayin' somethin'.

Wonkette's Liz Dye has been ably curating the hilarious story of the Russian disinformation campaign that blew its wad a little too late, the caper of Hunter Biden and the laptop he allegedly abandoned thousands of miles from home, and ... yeah, we don't have the energy to rehash it all right now. It's a Rudy Giuliani Special, which means it was debunked in record time, and now all these stories are coming out about how US intelligence warned Trump LAST YEAR that Russian spies saw Roodles as the easiest mark, and ... yeah.

Here is just a fun cherry on top of that story. The New York Post, of course, was the only vaguely newspaper-shaped object willing to post Rudy's bullshit, and even there, journalists in the newsroom didn't want their bylines on it. Mediaite reports that Rudy shopped it to Fox News, and even they were like ummmmmmmmmmm OK no. They came with their friends, they are not leaving with you, Rudy Giuliani, and no, they do not want to buy any of your Kremlin-laced Girl Scout cookies.

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2020 presidential election

No Collusion! No Collusion! You Are The Laughably Obvious Collusion With Russia To Ratf*ck Another Election!

What. Is. This. Shit.

When Russia sends its people to fuck with our elections, they really aren't sending their best. And they're certainly not recruiting our best either.

In today's episode of "Rudy Giuliani: International Dumbass" we find that US intelligence agencies have been watching our hero protagonist anti-hero fuckwit get conned by Putin's agents for an entire year now. Way back in December, before the impeachment, National Security Adviser Robert O'Brien tried to sit Trump down and 'splain him that Rudy's pals in Ukraine were all Russian spies.

The Washington Post reports:

The message was, "Do what you want to do, but your friend Rudy has been worked by Russian assets in Ukraine," this person said. Officials wanted "to protect the president from coming out and saying something stupid," particularly since he was facing impeachment over his own efforts to strong-arm Ukraine's president into investigating the Bidens.

But O'Brien emerged from the meeting uncertain whether he had gotten through to the president. Trump had "shrugged his shoulders" at O'Brien's warning, the former official said, and dismissed concern about his lawyer's activities by saying, "That's Rudy."

Safe bet that he hadn't gotten through. Not only because the president is a dedicated ignoramus, but because, as one source told the Post, "Whenever you talk to the president, no matter what your facts are, if you mention Russia, that's it — you've hit the third rail." The facts must yield to the president's insistence on living in a world where he won the election in 2016 without a major boost from his pal Pootie!

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2020 presidential election

Watch Rudy Giuliani Pull This HILARIOUS DISINFORMATION Out Of His Hat!

LOL he tries SO HARD!

It is always and forever 2016! We are trapped for all eternity in a universe of hooker tapes and laptops sprouting up like magic mushrooms and Russian disinformation and Steve Bannon and Rudy Giuliani and buttery, buttery emails and Maggie Haberman hyping errant nonsense like it's real news.

Is Ken Vogel back for a repeat performance, too? He blocked us for constantly pointing out that his breathless reporting of Rudy Giuliani's bullshit about Ukraine as if it might actually be true is what started this whole fucking nightmare in the first place. Let's just assume the answer is "yes."

So, third verse, same as the first?

Well ... maybe not, since a mere six hours later Twitter and Facebook are already throttling the nonsense, while Haberman and Politico's Jake Sherman faced such a firehose of recrimination for giving oxygen to an obvious bullshit smear that they're backpedaling faster than a SoulCycle class on rewind.

Get back in your hole!

The story, as reported by Rupert Murdoch's New York Post, goes like this.

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