Russian Media Having Wee Tiny Conniption Over Biden Ukraine Visit, Bless Their Hearts

We mentioned in our post this morning about Tucker Carlson's daily North Korean News Lady Readout Of Vladimir Putin's Spank Bank Material that Russian media probably was able to clip a bunch of it to show Daddy. (They love doing that, it's their favorite.)

It's probably good they have Tucker to distract them, because Russian media watcher Julia Davis reports at the Daily Beast that Russian media is furious about Joe Biden's badass trip to Ukraine to see fellow badass Volodymyr Zelenskyy. They apparently spent days saying Biden would definitely not go to Ukraine, and would instead just go to Poland as planned. (The Biden administration notified the Russian government in advance, presumably because had there been any "accidents" we would have had to have nuked them off the face of the fucking earth, as per the diplomatic protocol.)

Then Biden just ... showed up.

Visibly unsettled, 60 Minutes host Olga Skabeeva announced, “The White House has confirmed that Biden really is in the Ukrainian capital. He really came to the Ukrainian capital. Zelensky just published the pictures... There he is, Biden, in the flesh.”

He was just right fuckin' there, Jesus. With Zelenskyy. Together.

The program then played footage of the smiling American president walking alongside Zelensky and shaking hands with Ukrainian officials. The clip was set to dramatic music more suitable for a horror movie.

Tucker did say last night that Zelenskyy is an "instrument of total destruction." Guys like that get their own theme music.

Military expert Evgeny Buzhinsky surmised, “Clearly, the West is headed towards an escalation... I think we should also cautiously start to walk down a path of escalation... The West has many vulnerabilities.”

QUICK SIDEBAR! It sure is interesting, all the people who are just HELLBENT that this is heading toward an "escalation" right now. (Cue Zelenskyy theme music.)

Marjorie Taylor Greene is hereby demanding we send her money so she can do a magical ad campaign to stop World War III.

Here's Tulsi Gabbard and Tucker Carlson babbling at each other last night about how Zelenskyy and Biden are forcing us into WWIII. Gabbard said Zelenskyy is trying to turn this into a NATO war and that this WILL lead to nuclear war. (Reminder: Scaremongering about nuclear war is pretty much just concern-trolling bullshit that serves Putin's narratives more than anything.) Tucker said Zelenskyy is asking American families to die over his "border dispute." That's probably news to you.

Fuck both of those garbage humans, obviously, but now go back to what the Russian military expert just above said. “Clearly, the West is headed towards an escalation," he said. "I think we should also cautiously start to walk down a path of escalation." You know, because of how Biden and Zelenskyy are forcing them into it, like the Russians and their American mouthpieces say.

Tucker So Mad Joe Biden Forced Russia Into Nuclear War We're Having Right Now

Is There Any Russian Propaganda Useful Imbecile Elon Musk Won't Fall For?

But anyway, back to the Russian media that speaks Russian!

The military expert Buzhinsky had ideas for retaliating against America for (allegedly) blowing up the Nord Stream 2 pipeline. (Just like Tucker did.) By the way, the only person actually reporting that America blew up that pipeline is Seymour Hersh, who has been Gone Batshit for a hot minute now. The rest is just insinuations.

Then the host shared her thoughts on whether they should have just assassinated Joe Biden:

“Americans seemingly assume that we aren’t planning to respond to anything, since they’re sending even their Biden to Ukraine.” She questioned the wisdom of Russia going along with the trip and purportedly agreeing not to strike Kyiv during the presidential visit: “If we gave these security guarantees, then what for?” Buzhinsky replied, “Well, you know, perhaps we could have whacked Biden, but it would have been too much.” Skabeeva retorted, “So it’s too much to whack Biden, but it’s OK to threaten Putin and it’s also fine to blow up the Nord Stream? It’s not about aggression, it’s about the logic: where is it?”

Poor Russia. They're not allowed to "whack Biden" and they can't retaliate for pipeline and Ukrainians just keep running into their missiles.

Buzhinsky didn’t object to the idea of killing the American president, as long as his replacement was more in line with Russia’s interests. He wasn’t comfortable with the thought of Vice President Kamala Harris at the helm, claiming that, unlike Biden, Harris would be completely unrestrained in her response to Russia and would present an even worse option for the Kremlin.

Well, you know, Kamala Harris was the one who forced Putin to invade Ukraine in the first place, we saw that on Tucker.

As opposed to Skabeeva’s suggestion of assassinating Biden, he regretted that the U.S. president wasn’t at least terrorized during his trip. Buzhinsky daydreamed that if Biden traveled to Ukraine by helicopter, he would have been escorted by Russian planes all the way to Kyiv, leaving him with an indelible impression.

How you say "if wishes were horses" in Russian?

Irritated, Skabeeva pointed out, “Following your logic, if we’re not starting this confrontation because the replacement will be even worse, then why did we even start this at all? What if everything will only get worse?” She claimed that Biden is “promising to destroy and dismember the Russian Federation.” Buzhinsky stressed that the American president was not the first world leader to visit Kyiv, and Russia should have started by taking out former UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson: “If we wanted to do this, we should have started much sooner.”

Good LORD, these are not happy campers, if they're losing it on Russian TV trying to figure out how to go back in a time machine and assassinate Boris Johnson.

We don't feel like this is the punditry of people who are currently winning a war. We are just saying. And remarkably, they seem to be kinda saying that out loud:

Pointing to the photograph of Biden hugging Zelensky, Skabeeva bitterly [said], “I think this is the photo of the year... both of them are crying and are endlessly happy to see each other! As far as me resorting to extremes, I’m not for extreme measures. What I’m saying is that Russia’s special operation in Ukraine has been going on for a year and is far from reaching its goals. There is a huge number of deaths. The United States of America and the entire so-called collective West are acting as though we’re incapable of some kind of a retaliatory strike. We keep demonstrating our peacefulness.”

Yeah, you betcha, it's only going poorly because Russia has shown such restraint.

There's a hell of a lot more — more whining about Russia's humiliations, more Russian fantasies about Kyiv being their city, and one analyst, Sergei Markov, saying that this has been a "huge victory" for Joe Biden and that he has "largely cemented his own ability to run for another term in the next election.” So that's cool.

But if you haven't read the stories on how they pulled off the "Rail Force One" train ride to get Joe Biden safely to Kyiv, check out this story in the AP and then read this thread from the guy in charge of the railroads on the Ukrainian side. It's all fun, but we really like where he apologizes that the trains only ran 90 percent on time yesterday. They'll do better next time the leader of the free world is traveling across Ukraine, they promise.

By the way, President Biden is speaking at 11:30 Eastern from Warsaw. We're gonna liveblog it. And then Russian media and Tucker are gonna be MAD AT HIM SO MUCH. Etc.

[Daily Beast]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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