Sad Gary Johnson Isn't A Dummy. YOU'RE The Dummy, You Dummy!
These pickled eggs are definitely off
Gary Johnson isn't just losing the presidential election. He's just plain losing it in general. Clearly hypersensitive after several gaffes, like his goofy "Aleppo" brain fart and blanking on what foreign leader he likes, Johnson became combative and pissy in reply to fairly routine questions from Guardian reporter Paul Lewis. He was already hot under the collar after an HBO reporter asked him whether he'd vote for Trump or Clinton if he had to choose, and so he started off testy with Lewis, and things only got worse from there.
Johnson: Well, I'm an idiot, you know. Really. I'm the dumbest guy that you've ever met in your whole life.
Lewis: I'm trying to work out if that's sarcasm or not...
Johnson: It is. I hope it's sarcasm. "Here is what you answered, so obviously you're a dummy. How do you respond to your being a dummy?" Well, I'm not a dummy. I'm not!
He's not a dummy. Thin-skinned and petulant, but not a dummy. We don't even begrudge him his brain farts, in fact, as we regularly find ourselves groping for the right word for the thing, or that one adjective that would be perfect but just isn't popping into our head like it should, then 20 minutes later it does. Then again, Yr Wonkette is merely a blogger and not a presidential candidate. Johnson may also want to insist on a cool-down period between interviews.
Things went downhill when Lewis asked why Johnson isn't polling all that well, considering the high negatives for the two major party candidates. After a bit of back and forth about poll numbers, which have been declining for him, Johnson figured it was time to get prickly again:
Why are you even interviewing me? I don’t get it. If I’m doing so poorly, is this to preside over a funeral here? It’s not a funeral! It’s a celebration!
Tip to Mr. Johnson: when you say that, it would be really fun if you'd pull out one of those paper roll-out party favor whistle wossits (what's the name for those, huh? This catalog calls 'em "festive blowouts" but that just sounds silly). It might seem more celebratory.
But fine, sourpuss. Have it your way. It's a celebration. Hey, how about your tax policy? "If I could wave a magic wand, I'd eliminate income tax, corporate tax, and I'd replace it with one federal consumption tax." Johnson would also like to abolish the IRS. When Lewis pressed him on whether that added up to a reasonable policy, given that no economists have said it's a good idea, Johnson went off on a tangent to prove he could make it happen:
Look, I came out for the legalization of marijuana. Let me just use that as an example. And I will tell you that I had people in my face for years and years and years talking about how stupid and how idiotic it was that we should allow marijuana to be legal.
Lewis didn't get it, asking, "But what's that got to do with your tax policy?"
Johnson's answer made perfect sense: "It's leadership. It is leadership."
In a part of the interview not in the above video, Lewis notes Johnson acknowledged, marijuana leadership aside, his complete remaking of tax policy wasn't likely to ever happen:
“Congress would have to pass that in the first place,” he said. “The chances of them passing that are probably pretty nil.”
But.. but... Marijuana! Leadership! Not a dummy!
Even when he's not making sense, Johnson's got a great rubbery face. It's a pity that "Spitting Image" puppet show isn't around anymore. They'd have a field day with him.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.