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Salt Lake City, Pocatello, And Helena, MT: Ding Dong, Wonkette Calling!

Wonkebago

Trix, Shy and friends


YOU GUYS! We are sitting in Zion National Park for TWO DAYS, and goddammit, my mobile hot spot works here! No vacation days for me, AGAIN, on my "half-vacation." (It's okay. I had one full vacation day in Santa Barbara. And if you ask the kids, I had "more" than that, if you count up all the half-days. So you know what? DON'T ASK THEM!) But don't worry, I will ditch your ass this afternoon, saddle up Shy and the baby for a Zion national hike, and make Evan, Dok, Robyn and $5F do ALL MY WORK.

In the meantime! We have finally figured out "what is today" and "how far are we from Salt Lake," and "Bryce Canyon is an hour and 22 minutes away? GOIN THERE NEXT," and settled on some dates for the final stops on our 2017 Wonkette Beach Bum World Tour (Check Local Listings, 'World' May Not Apply)!

Salt Lake City, coming to ya Thurs., Nov. 9! Salt Lake Pizza and Pasta aka Fiddler’s Elbow, 6 p.m. to ???!

Pocatello, we will be in you Fri., Nov. 10! Portneuf Valley Brewing, 615 S 1st Ave, 6-8 p.m.

Helena, Montana, how's Sat., Nov. 11 sound to all y'all? It sounds mighty fine to us! Lucky bastards, getting a Saturday night. Let's meet up at the Windbag Saloon, say at 5 p.m.!

Boise, Eugene, Sacramento, Sonoma, Avila Beach, SB, LA, Orange County, San Diego and Big Bear, we miss you dears already. In the immortal words of Michelle Shocked, "Leroy says send a picture. Leroy says hello. Leroy says, aw, keep on rocking."

Wonkette is ad-free and supported solely by Readers Like You! Click to support our pizzas and beer and Zion hiking trips! And the other things we give to you, like "sanity." Thank you for reading Wonkette. We love you.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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THAT HEADLINE IS A LIE.

Anyway, it is time to count down your top ten stories. You will notice that in this post there is a video of Wonkette Toddler at the lake doing lake things, and also a picture of Rebecca's Very Good Dogs watching their favorite movie, which is Wonkette Toddler eating a sandwich (above). Please enjoy these things.

OK, top ten!

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Even Fox News Can't Make Finland Trump-Shits Smell Like Roses :(

2. Dickish Trump Is Even A Dick To That Nice Old Lady From The Crown

3. Where In The World Is Michael Avenatti? He Is In London Having Tea With The Queen!

4. From Russia With Lube

5. WHAT THE HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK WAS THAT TRUMP-PUTIN PRESS CONFERENCE?

6. Can We Talk About The Utter Sadness Of Breitbart's Melania Fashion Coverage?

7. Christian Lady Being A Dipshit Again

8. President Words-Stupid Sorry For Being Total Fuck-Up Just This One Time Ever

9. Deleted Comments: We Gave God The Banhammer

10. Strzok Out With Your Cock Out: The 5 Best Moments From Yesterday's Peter Strzok Shitshow

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, like we mentioned above, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

As promised, kid pic and video from LAKE TIME:

OK that's all.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

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Facebook video screenshot

Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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