San Francisco Cathedral Soaks The Homeless With Water Every Night, Like Jesus Would

San Francisco Cathedral Soaks The Homeless With Water Every Night, Like Jesus Would

St. Mary's Cathedral in San Francisco has come up with a novel way of interpreting that Bible verse where it says, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in." They added a new part, which apparently says ,"But once I found a comfy place to rest my head, you super-soaked me repeatedly to make sure that I, a homeless person, could not get ANY sleep, you dicks." Yes, St. Mary's is under fire for drenching homeless people with sprinklers at night, in hopes that they might find somewhere else to sleep:

The cathedral, at Geary and Gough, is the home church of the Archbishop. There are four tall side doors, with sheltered alcoves, that attract homeless people at night.

“They actually have signs in there that say, ‘No Trespassing,’” said a homeless man named Robert.

But there are no signs warning the homeless about what happens in these doorways, at various times, all through the night. Water pours from a hole in the ceiling, about 30 feet above, drenching the alcove and anyone in it.

The shower ran for about 75 seconds, every 30 to 60 minutes while we were there, starting before sunset, simultaneously in all four doorways. KCBS witnessed it soak homeless people, and their belongings.

Is it holy water? If so, then maybe they are just trying to repeatedly baptize the homeless, but really, folks, that's not necessary, you only have to be rebaptized a few times, when you start going to a new church that convinces you that your old church didn't Save You good enough. The Archbishop should know this!

KCBS points out that these sprinklers don't actually CLEAN anything, as there is no drainage effect happening, and the Cathedral's people aren't even pretending it's not about keeping those gross poors from seeking shelter at the the church:

Chris Lyford, a spokesman for the Archdiocese, said cathedral staff tries hard to help these people.

“We refer them, mostly to Catholic Charities, for example for housing,” Lyford said. “To Saint Anthony’s soup kitchen for food, if they want food on that day. Saint Vincent de Paul if they need clothes.”

IF they want food. Sometimes the homeless are all "nah, not hungry, bro," in San Francisco. So anyway, this is all very Christ-like, and we do understand an additional point Lyford makes, that some of these people are probably drug addicts and whatnot, but again, isn't this where the Catholic Church should be stepping in and doing more? It is not like the church is poor!

It's worth pointing out that this is happening in a city with an incredible and growing problem with homelessness, due in part to the fact that literally NO ONE can afford to live there. We understand the landlords who are getting greedy and demanding rents that are pushing middle class people onto the streets (we don't SUPPORT them, but we get that they are soulless pricks, and we don't expect anything better from them), but we DO expect a little better from the freaking Catholic Church, which, for all its many faults, is usually pretty good when it comes to helping the poor.

Has someone called New Pope about this? New Pope who washes people's feet, and who actually puts pillows under the covers of his Pope Bed to make it look like he's sleeping, and sneaks out of the Vatican at night to minister to, ahem, THE HOMELESS? New Pope is going to kick your ass when he gets home, St. Mary's of San Francisco, just you wait.

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[CBS San Francisco viaThe Deacon's Bench]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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