San Francisco To Protect Us From Alien Cell Phone Mind Control Rays


This is a lead-lined modelIt is a fact well-known to reputable science that all the electronic gizmos in your house are conspiring to give you cancer and funnel Dangerous Electronic Beams into your hypothalamus, which will leave you open to suggestions from Them. But our elected officials, who are bought and paid for, by the space lizards, just keep smiling and nodding and claiming that "everything is safe," and type away on their BlackBerrys, which they hold very, very far away from their precious skulls. Well, no more! Now the brave San Francisco Board of Supervisors (who would be a "city council" in normal places) have made sure you know exactly how much deadly radiation will be beaming into your head from your latest Nintendo iPhone or whatever.

The Supes (as they are really affectionately referred to, in the City by the Bay) voted 10-1 (with only the freakishly alien-sounding "Sean Elsbernd" voting the pro-space monster line) to require that cell phone vendors post notices about the level of radiation each phone they sell emits. This will be crucial information that will be intelligently used by American consumers, who as a rule are pretty good with science, and math! (BUSINESS IDEA: Start selling cell-phone cases out of lead, in San Francisco.) [SF Chron]


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