It probably shouldn't surprise anyone that yet another actual winner of a GOP primary turns out to be a wackaloon conspiracy aficionado who believes Sandy Hook and other mass shootings were false flags, Seth Rich was murdered for being the REAL source of hacked GOP emails, and of course that #Pizzagate was absolutely true. Bill Fawell became the Republican nominee for the 17th Congressional District in Illinois by running unopposed in the March primary; he faces incumbent Democrat Cheri Bustos, who's currently finishing her first term. If Fawell's lamentably sad campaign site is any indication, Bustos should have little to worry about from his amateur-hour candidacy, but hoo, boy, this guy is a real piece of work.

The Cook Political Report last month upgraded the race from "likely D" to "solid D," so here's hoping Fawell will never be introduced as "The congressman from InfoWars." But unlike unapologetic Hitler admirer and genuine Illinois Nazi Arthur Jones, Fawell is actually getting some support from the local Republican party, which gives you some sense of where the line is drawn in today's GOP: Declared Nazi admirers and Holocaust deniers, no. But dorks who say 9/11 was an inside job and Beyonce is a member of the Illuminati? As CNN discovered in May, they're quite welcome inside the big tent!

As that CNN piece notes, Fawell wrote him a book in 2012 titled, like two thirds of the self-published output of Tea Party fans, New American Revolution, in which he explained that 9/11 was basically just one big document bonfire, the CIA's clandestine branch was on the top floor of WTC #7, and

all documents were destroyed, just like a giant shredder. The Pentagon was hit in a wing being remodeled (but few people), that held a mountain of paperwork regarding 1 trillion dollars which the Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, was having trouble accounting for. That mountain of paperwork became a pile of ash.

That just has to be the SMARTEST 9/11 conspiracy we've heard yet. In a February 2013 blog post, Fawell uncorked one of our favorite wackadoodle conspiracy claims: Beyoncé and Madonna used their Super Bowl halftime shows to flop around on stage like Illuminati hoors recruiting children to the Illuminati with satanic Illuminati hand signals. Or at least he thought Beyoncé would, since he personally boycotted viewing the thing. You would have known all about this guy if you had been reading Wonkette in 2013, not that we remembered him, either.

Oh, and in 2014, he predicted New York City would be "destroyed in the biggest, baddest false flag attack ever made by any organization upon the American People in a Pearl Harbor redux," by the Deep State. No word on why he thinks that didn't happen.

Those Deep State Shills at Media Matters dug into Fawell's Facebook page and found a bunch of other delights, too, like his revelation that the principal of Sandy Hook Elementary was definitely also an "eyewitness" to the Boston Marathon bombing, and there's no way anyone can say otherwise. Unless maybe that's all just nonsense.

Not surprisingly, Fawell says a whole bunch of other mass shootings were also the work of the Deep State, including San Bernardino, the Aurora, Colorado, theater massacre, and also the Pulse Nightclub shooting. The usual ravings about MK ULTRA mind control and shadowy conspiracies to take away all our rights, most of which are the Second Amendment, but also all the others, too.

Also, Julian Assange is a political prisoner, put away by the Deep State because he knows the Truth about Seth Rich, which is that he was murdered by Hillary Clinton!!!!!! As proof of that "90% OF AMERICAN'S THINK THE DNC's SERVERS WAS HACKED BY... SETH RICH" thing, Fawell links to a blog post that contains the irrefutable proof: answers to a Twitter poll by highly respected conspiracy dipshit "Kim Dotcom," who's still out there bravely escaping Hillary's hit squads, somehow.

Beyond his social media noodlings, Bill Fawell also has that really compelling campaign site, where he explains with a photo of a flowchart exactly why America needs fixin', and he's the guy to fix it:

We think that would be a lot more convincing if he set it to music and said "Oh, YEAH!" at the end.

As we say, this man nonetheless has the support of local Republican groups, if only because they aren't paying attention. Rock Island County GOP chair Drue Mielke gave Fawell a big thumbs up in a newspaper interview last month, saying,

We support Fawell [...] I know he's a Constitutionalist. In talking to him, I've heard him focusing on the issues of our district. There are a lot of things Bill Fawell could do for our district Cheri Bustos is choosing not to.

For instance, we looked at Bustos's website, and there's not a flowchart to be seen at all, and what's more, like a Coastal Elitist, she uses standard English in a way that communicates clearly, without anything to equal the strange eloquence of this excerpt from Fawell's "About Bill" page, where we learn that after the real estate crash of 2008,

I went back to my first love, writing. As a political science major I never stopped reading and in 2008 I began to write what would become 2 books, "New American Revolution" documenting the bankruptcy of America (which history calls Revolution) and it's only peaceful answer, restoring a State of Liberty in America (my second book: "The Science of Liberty"), where the people rule over their government.

I started a super pac called "Elect A New Congress" to reform Congress, and when that didn't work, I decided I would have to get directly and personally involved. This is why I am running. I understand the underlying problem afflicting America, our GOVERNMENT, and propose a solid time proven solution... a functioning State of Liberty as outlined in our United States Constitution, which our government has abandoned.

As a fellow wordsmith, we would like to know whether Mr. Fawell also sometimes mixes up Kentucky and Tennessee, which has always been our personal bugbear, and also Liberty America Constitution Poopy!

In conclusion, welcome to the weekend.

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[CNN / Media Matters / Cheri Bustos for Congress]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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