Santa Putin Kidnaps Child's Father In Bizarre Russian Anti-LGBTQ Propaganda Video
Here is a lovely Boxing Day present from us to you — a very normal video that circulated around Russia ahead of the holiday season depicting Vladmir Putin dressed as Santa, breaking into a child's home and de-gaying it for Christmas.
Let us set the scene: A camera zooms in on a pair of girl's shoes and a dress, a teddy bear and a ball with stars on it. It then pans to a bookshelf featuring five books, entitled Render Me, Gender Me;LGBT+ Modern Studies;Straight Into Gay; Homosexuality. Transitioning. Family.; and Growing Up Gay. Just the kind of non-existent books that parents who wish to force their straight child to be gay or their cis child to be trans might read, were that to be a thing for anyone, which it is not.
We see a child — a cisgender boy being cruelly forced to live as a girl against his will — drawing a picture of Santa Claus holding hands with a man and a woman. The wind blows. What is it? The child looks up to see if they can see anyone coming in as the camera ominously pans to a picture of their two fathers photoshopped together, coldly labeled "Parent 1" and "Parent 2."
The little boy takes his drawing and puts it into his stocking (apparently the swiftest way to get in touch with Santa Claus) and the candles go out. You know, the candles his irresponsible gay dads kept burning after they went to bed and left their child in the living room with his crayons.
Finally, the child makes it to bed by himself, laying his head down on a sequin pillow, which is a bad idea for anyone, but especially someone with curly hair. Weird that his gay dads did not know enough to buy him a satin pillow to keep that shit from frizzing up!
As soon as he drifts off, we see Santa Putin hovering over him like maybe he is going to axe murder the child in his sleep. But then! — then! -- we hear the first strains of Tchaikovsky's "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" as Santa Putin begins decorating the house for Christmas. I suppose we should give whoever came up with this nonsense some credit for not just assuming the gay dads understand proper nighttime hair care procedures or are good at decorating. He replaces the girl's shoes with sneakers, the dress with manlier shirts, the ball with stars on it with a soccer ball and the teddy bear with a tiny drum set and toy cars.
Most incredibly of all, however, he replaces Parent 1 with an incredibly small-necked woman, also very obviously photoshopped next to Good Ol' Parent 2. But now they are labeled "Mother" and "Father."
Wow do they ever look like two people in love and definitely in the same room with one another.
Notably, there are no books whatsoever on the shelf anymore.
We don't know what happened to Parent 1. Did Santa force him to transition and get a neck reduction? Is this kid meant to be so cold-hearted that he would be thrilled to wake up in the morning and see one of his dads secretly replaced with
Folger's Crystals a random woman who can barely hold her giant head up with her teeny tiny two-inch-wide neck? Or was Parent 1 replaced not with a woman but with one of those disembodied Barbie heads for hair styling?
The resemblance is uncanny.
Santa Putin finally makes his exit, but not without winking at us and pulling his beard down, just so we are all certain of who it was that tore this family asunder.
The incredible thing about this video, which I came across when it was being cheered on one of the Q message boards, is that this is literally what so many dipshits across America and the world think is actually happening. They think that for some godforsaken reason, children are being forced to transition genders despite not actually being trans, as part of some wacky LGBTQ+ agenda for world domination, or just to make them (the bigots, not the children) desperately unhappy.
Or at least they want to claim that's what they think is happening so that they look like caring people instead of the assholes they actually are.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse