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Poot Lips.


Wonkers, we have learned our lesson. It is sexist to get mad at Sarah Huckabee Sanders for being an asshole or constantly lying to the American people, and we don't want to offend the woke feminists who populate right-wing comments sections anymore. So "POOT LIPS" it is! And, just to clarify, that insult means "Sanders is being an asshole or (and) lying to the American people, which makes her mouth words sound like a poot squeaker!"

In case you didn't know, Donald Trump, racial uniter, is going to Jackson, Mississippi, this weekend for the opening of the Mississippi Civil Rights Museum, because SOMEBODY with their head up their ass (Mississippi wingnut Governor Phil Bryant) thought that was a good idea. People are pissed, because it's an insult to the entire struggle for civil rights for Donald Trump, a white supremacist who thinks some of the Charlottesville Nazis fighting to save Confederate traitor statues were lovely people, to be anywhere NEAR such an event. The NAACP is pissed. Local organizers are pissed. (We, a Southern white man who lives not far away, are pissed.) And Civil Rights hero Congressman John Lewis is pissed too! He and Rep. Bennie Thompson are in fact so pissed that they've decided to skip the event entirely.

So Sanders opened her mouth about it, and POOT LIPS came out:

"We think it's unfortunate that these members of Congress wouldn't join the President in honoring the incredible sacrifice civil rights leaders made to right the injustices in our history," White House press secretary Sarah Sanders said Thursday. "The President hopes others will join him in recognizing that the movement was about removing barriers and unifying Americans of all backgrounds."

Dave Weigel already had the only proper reaction to that statement, so we'll just paste that:

WHAT A POOT LIPS.

Wonkette apologizes for our previous slander of Sarah Huckabee Sanders, whose name is POOT LIPS from now on. We'll try to be nicer about CAPTAIN POOT LIPS.

Open thread. Go!

PS: POOT LIPS!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Are you a good Wonker who sends us money by Amazon? Well not anymore you're not, since Amazon COINCIDENTALLY stopped accepting our payments shortly after Evan's VERY SEXIST Sanders post came out. Would you be so great as to re-sign with Paypal or Stripe? K we love you bye.

[CNN]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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