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Sarah Huckabee Sanders did her first White House press briefing in approximately one million years today, so she could yell at the media for saying Fake News that makes Donald Trump angry. This is her way of bringing Americans together after a tragedy, just like it is also Trump's way of bringing Americans together after a tragedy. Just stand up there and say maybe if the media kissed Trump's ass a little bit more, he'd stop inciting violence against literally everybody he doesn't like. And if the media doesn't obey, then HELL CONTINUES.

Sanders began with a surely very good statement about how anti-Semitism is bad, and she teared up like a normal human with a soul talking about how Trump's daughter and son-in-law are Jewish, and his grandchildren are Jewish, because those two facts mean he definitely has never used anti-Semitic dogwhistles or encouraged extremists who hate Jewish people or said there were good people on both sides of the Charlottesville Nazi march, which featured live Nazis:


We seem to remember that Trump only released a big statement condemning anti-Semitism because Ivanka and Jared were like "Daddy pleeeeeeease?" Having accomplished that, they went back to being #complicit.

Ready for SHS to get VERY MAD? Good, because she sure was! When a reporter pointed out that Trump has been blaming the media in the wake of the Pittsburgh massacre and "Bomb Stuff" week, Huckasanders said it is just ATROCIOUS and RIDICULOUS and TERRIBLE and OFFENSIVE that the media would point out that Trump incites violence a lot, just because that happens to be true. She says it's just as unfair as blaming Bernie Sanders because one of his fans shot up the GOP baseball practice, which might be valid if Bernie Sanders had a well known habit of making his fans scream "LOCK HER UP" and saying his political opponents are the "enemy of the people," but he doesn't, so go fuck yourself, Shuckabee.

Let's veer off topic for a minute! Will Donald Trump suspend Constitutional rights because of the "invasion" from the caravan that is over a thousand miles away and not actually invading shit? Mayyyyyyyybe!

Tyrants just love to manufacture a crisis and then use said crisis to shit all over democratic institutions! It is kind of their thing.

But anyway, back to SHS being SO MAD BRO. In the first video below, she's asked if Trump would knock off all his "lock her up!" shit, considering how a deranged Trump supporter LITERALLY TRIED TO MAIL BOMBS TO TWO FORMER PRESIDENTS AND A BUNCH OF OTHER DEMOCRATS. She said no way, and then listed off all the same Democrats Hugh Hewitt listed when he was trying to prove that #BothSides incite violence in their supporters. (It's like they're all vomiting from the same talking points or something!) She concluded by yelling, "AND I'M STILL WAITING ON MY CHEESE PLATE," just kidding no she didn't.

In the second video below, CNN's Jim Acosta pushed SHS to find out whether Trump might knock off his "enemy of the people" shit with the press, and the answer to that is also NO WAY. Sanders said it's not that Trump thinks all the news is fake news, but refused to answer Acosta when he asked which news organs are the enemy of the people. CNN, for instance? The one that a deranged Trump supporter TRIED TO MAIL BOMBS TO? Sanders, of course, refused to answer that question, because the definition of "fake news" to Trump and this administration is "any truthful news they don't like at the moment." So basically she's saying Trump will cut that shit out as soon as the free press willingly turns itself into a Russian-style state news arm that only reports things that make Dear Leader happy. Until then? Get fucked.

You think she was mad right there? You haven't seen mad, because we have one more video for you! Here is the conclusion of the presser, a Two Minutes Hate against the media, which refuses to cover all the GOOD STUFF Trump is doing, "despact the fight" that a YOOGE MAJORITY of 63 million people voted for Trump (compared to Hillary Clinton's measly 66 million), and "despact the fight" that he is following through on all his (terrible) promises. Yes, she said "despact the fight" TWICE, because she was too mad to even correct herself and say "despite the fact."

LOL, what a Stupid McWordsBad.

Then she temper tantrumed her way out of the room and Donald Trump was very pleased with her rage-splaining and lying, because that is literally her job description.

It was a very bad press briefing.

Now, you may have a very good OPEN THREAD!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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