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Sarah Huckabee Sanders did her first White House press briefing in approximately one million years today, so she could yell at the media for saying Fake News that makes Donald Trump angry. This is her way of bringing Americans together after a tragedy, just like it is also Trump's way of bringing Americans together after a tragedy. Just stand up there and say maybe if the media kissed Trump's ass a little bit more, he'd stop inciting violence against literally everybody he doesn't like. And if the media doesn't obey, then HELL CONTINUES.

Sanders began with a surely very good statement about how anti-Semitism is bad, and she teared up like a normal human with a soul talking about how Trump's daughter and son-in-law are Jewish, and his grandchildren are Jewish, because those two facts mean he definitely has never used anti-Semitic dogwhistles or encouraged extremists who hate Jewish people or said there were good people on both sides of the Charlottesville Nazi march, which featured live Nazis:


We seem to remember that Trump only released a big statement condemning anti-Semitism because Ivanka and Jared were like "Daddy pleeeeeeease?" Having accomplished that, they went back to being #complicit.

Ready for SHS to get VERY MAD? Good, because she sure was! When a reporter pointed out that Trump has been blaming the media in the wake of the Pittsburgh massacre and "Bomb Stuff" week, Huckasanders said it is just ATROCIOUS and RIDICULOUS and TERRIBLE and OFFENSIVE that the media would point out that Trump incites violence a lot, just because that happens to be true. She says it's just as unfair as blaming Bernie Sanders because one of his fans shot up the GOP baseball practice, which might be valid if Bernie Sanders had a well known habit of making his fans scream "LOCK HER UP" and saying his political opponents are the "enemy of the people," but he doesn't, so go fuck yourself, Shuckabee.

Let's veer off topic for a minute! Will Donald Trump suspend Constitutional rights because of the "invasion" from the caravan that is over a thousand miles away and not actually invading shit? Mayyyyyyyybe!

Tyrants just love to manufacture a crisis and then use said crisis to shit all over democratic institutions! It is kind of their thing.

But anyway, back to SHS being SO MAD BRO. In the first video below, she's asked if Trump would knock off all his "lock her up!" shit, considering how a deranged Trump supporter LITERALLY TRIED TO MAIL BOMBS TO TWO FORMER PRESIDENTS AND A BUNCH OF OTHER DEMOCRATS. She said no way, and then listed off all the same Democrats Hugh Hewitt listed when he was trying to prove that #BothSides incite violence in their supporters. (It's like they're all vomiting from the same talking points or something!) She concluded by yelling, "AND I'M STILL WAITING ON MY CHEESE PLATE," just kidding no she didn't.

In the second video below, CNN's Jim Acosta pushed SHS to find out whether Trump might knock off his "enemy of the people" shit with the press, and the answer to that is also NO WAY. Sanders said it's not that Trump thinks all the news is fake news, but refused to answer Acosta when he asked which news organs are the enemy of the people. CNN, for instance? The one that a deranged Trump supporter TRIED TO MAIL BOMBS TO? Sanders, of course, refused to answer that question, because the definition of "fake news" to Trump and this administration is "any truthful news they don't like at the moment." So basically she's saying Trump will cut that shit out as soon as the free press willingly turns itself into a Russian-style state news arm that only reports things that make Dear Leader happy. Until then? Get fucked.

You think she was mad right there? You haven't seen mad, because we have one more video for you! Here is the conclusion of the presser, a Two Minutes Hate against the media, which refuses to cover all the GOOD STUFF Trump is doing, "despact the fight" that a YOOGE MAJORITY of 63 million people voted for Trump (compared to Hillary Clinton's measly 66 million), and "despact the fight" that he is following through on all his (terrible) promises. Yes, she said "despact the fight" TWICE, because she was too mad to even correct herself and say "despite the fact."

LOL, what a Stupid McWordsBad.

Then she temper tantrumed her way out of the room and Donald Trump was very pleased with her rage-splaining and lying, because that is literally her job description.

It was a very bad press briefing.

Now, you may have a very good OPEN THREAD!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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DING DONG THE WITCH IS ... quite likely to land on her feet. But for today, the New York Times reports Dana Loesch is out of a job, the latest casualty in the war between the NRA and its longtime advertising company Ackerman McQueen. But every cloud has a silver bullet lining, since Dana will have more free time now to spend on her favorite hobby. We can't wait to see which cartoon character she photoshops Klan hoods onto next. Maybe she'll branch out and start putting Nazi armbands onto Buzz Lightyear. Oh, we would be so triggered!

As one of the most visible characters on NRATV with literal hundreds of viewers for each of her fascist rants, Dana Loesch was a tireless advocate for the gunhumpers lobby, always ready to call out "tragedy dry-humping whores," threatening to "fist" or perhaps "fisk" the New York Times, and expressing her hope that the Mueller Report would die in an "AIDS fire."

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