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Mouth is open, lies are leaking.


After warning her troops to keep their traps shut and not embarrass the party like a common Joe Wilson, Nancy Pelosi sat stonefaced through the entire eleventy hours of Trump's yammering SOTU speech. Because she is a goddamn professional.

Unlike some people who wondered why the little lady doesn't smile more. Is it because she wants the terrorists to win? Or because she hates the troops? Or maybe because it's the only way she can hold back her sad Democrat tears at all the #MAGA?

I think Nancy Pelosi looks like that all the time. I think she should smile a lot more often. I think the country would be better for it. She seems to embody the bitterness that belongs in the Democrat Party right now.

Let's put aside for a moment this nonsense that Nancy Pelosi is harming the country by not smiling. And there's plenty to say about Sarah Huckabee Sanders channeling her inner catcalling construction worker and telling a lady to SMILE. But let's not say it right now, mmmkay?

Instead, let's talk about women being allowed to do their damn jobs without looking like chirpy fucking Barbie dolls. Let's talk about women being judged on their competence, and not their appearance. Let's talk about Republicans who spent 30 years calling Hillary Clinton "Cankles." And let's talk about Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who is allowed to do her damn job without looking like a beauty queen.

Sanders's job is to lie, all day, every day. She does not have to be blond, or tan, or a size 2. And we might make fun of her for wearing a table cloth and pursing her lips like she smells a fart when people call her out on a lie, but we don't make fun of her physical appearance. Because we're assholes, but we're not, like, ASSHOLES.

(Ditto for speculating about Nikki Haley in ways that imply she got her job for any other reason than her willingness to be totally wrong about everything related to foreign policy and diplomacy.)

Unlike Sanders's boss, whose knee-jerk response is to criticize the appearance of every professional woman he dislikes -- Mika Brzezinski, Nancy Pelosi, Rosie O'Donnell, Megyn Kelly, Heidi Cruz, etcetera ad nauseum. We are old enough to remember Trump opining that Carly Fiorina was unqualified to be president because "no one would vote for that face." We're old enough to remember prominent members of the GOP making vile, racist statements about Michelle Obama and her daughters' bodies. In fact, we're old enough to remember Chelsea Clinton spending her entire childhood being mocked for her appearance.

So, I guess what we're saying here, is SHUT THE FUCK UP SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS. You get in front of the camera protected by the decency of Democrats, who can be relied upon not to pick apart your looks every day. We're gonna call you a liar and a fraud, we're going to point out that people with a BA from some tinyass Bible college don't get to be Press Secretary unless their last name is Huckabee, and we're going to call you a racist for the way you talk to April Ryan. Oh, and we're definitely going to find a screenshot of you blinking with your mouth open, in accordance with local precepts. But we're not going to treat you like your job requires you to look anything other than tidy and professional. Or tell fat jokes. OR TELL YOU TO FUCKING SMILE.

But we will tell you to GO FUCK YOURSELF, SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS. In fact, we just did.

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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