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Oh hi, Wonkers, are you at home lying in bed under the covers because you're scared to watch the Wisconsin Primary results come in?

WELL STOP DOING THAT, YOU SAD DICKS, because the polls are about to close! Also too, voting results are not scary, unless maybe if you are that dead hog up there in that weird picture Sarah Palin posted, encouraging Wisconsin voters to #MakeDumpsForTrump or whatever his slogan is. That hog may have died for your Wisconsin voting results.

Is Trump going to win tonight in Wisconsin? PROBABLY NOT. He will probably lose to that Ted Cruz character, the one with the maybe cheatin' penis and the maple-leaf shaped butthole.

Is Hillary going to win tonight in Wisconsin? That one's a little closer to call! Bernie has a good chance of whompin' her. Or maybe she will pull it out and whomp HIM. Who knows? Not you, Miss Cleo, you scammy lady.

You may now consider this your open thread, where you can talk about the primary results in the comments, or whatever else you do Down There. You probably just speed-date each other and post pictures of whatever rashes you have today, because you are gross.

Consider this an open thread, like your mother's threads, zing!

 

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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