Sarah Palin Hurls Self Into Thanksgiving Turkey Grinder, For A Change
This morning, Fox News was on top of the most important news of the day. Maria Bartiromo assured us we would get to other stories later, but for the bottom of the hour, it was very important to let her beef-smelling viewers know Sarah Palin and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez are having a fight:
Today in "Fox is obsessed with @Ocasio2018": "But first, our top story this half an hour..." https://t.co/nL1vXpXqx7— Parker Molloy (@Parker Molloy)1542809106.0
It's true. Sarah Palin, or whatever underpaid idiot is manning her Twitter these days, tweeted a GOTCHA about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who said a couple of words incorrectly, and then caught herself, and still kinda got it wrong. GOD, ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ, WHY DON'T YOU SAY YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT OF ALL FIFTY-SEVEN STATES IN AMERICA WHILE YOU'RE AT IT:
YIKES: Ocasio-Cortez Fumbles Basic Civics TWICE In 1 Statement https://t.co/5xkWeYjsPP— Sarah Palin (@Sarah Palin)1542654595.0
Yikes, indeed! Ocasio-Cortez accidentally called the the White House, the Senate, and the House the "chambers" of Congress, and then she was like oops, and said she meant the "chambers" of government! What A Idiot!
Thankfully, and in the Thanksgiving spirit, Sarah Palin -- America's Official Explainer of Civics Knowledge And Like Such As All Of Them Katie All The Way To Russia Which Is Across The Street From My House, Sometimes If I'm Out Of Moose Jerky I Knock On Russia's Door And Say "Vladimir! Oleg! Mama Got A Hunger She Can't Deny! No, Silly, Not For Rump-Shakin' With Some Russians, I Got Todd For That, 'Cept For When His Dick Is Broke Down Because Of Another 'Snowmobile Accident'! I'm Out Of Moose Jerky!" -- is here to help.
Or rather, Sarah Palin, who once argued that Paul Revere tried to warn the British that they were comin' atcha to take yer guns, is here to mock Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. No, really, that's what Sarah Palin said one time. She said Revere "warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells and making sure as he was riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free." Here, watch it:
Sarah Palin: Paul Revere Warned The British www.youtube.com
HAHAHAHA, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, you big stupidhead!
OK fine, to be completely fair, Sarah Palin's thing about Paul Revere wasn't specifically "civics" stupidity. Should we talk about the time she thought the Vice President was Charles In Charge of the Senate? She said that when she was campaigning for the job of Vice President. What about when she thought the White House had a thing called the "Department Of Law," which she said would have protected her from all those pesky allegations of ethics violations that allegedly forced her to become a half-term quitter governor?
LOL @ Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez!
The ratio for that tweet? Oh baby, it was REAL.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's response on Twitter was pitch perfect:
Now that’s *TWO* fallen GOP Vice Pres candidates going after a freshman Congresswoman that’s not even sworn in yet.… https://t.co/KYsRvnPqo8— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez)1542745454.0
It's the "FWD:RE:FWD:WATCH THIS" part that made us giggle the most.
Oh well anyway, it's the day before Thanksgiving and we're ready to get the fuck to the grocery store to buy all the everythings (BEER, we like BEER, and also one million food ingredients), so here's your traditional "Sarah Palin Talks Shit While Turkeys Get Ground To Death Head-First" blood porn video, which is NSFW.
The KTUU 2008 Sarah Palin turkey interview www.youtube.com
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!
HI. IT IS THANKSGIVING. WE WOULD LIKE TO PAY OUR WRITERS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE THANKFUL FOR US, MAYBE SOME MONEY?