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This morning, Fox News was on top of the most important news of the day. Maria Bartiromo assured us we would get to other stories later, but for the bottom of the hour, it was very important to let her beef-smelling viewers know Sarah Palin and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez are having a fight:


It's true. Sarah Palin, or whatever underpaid idiot is manning her Twitter these days, tweeted a GOTCHA about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who said a couple of words incorrectly, and then caught herself, and still kinda got it wrong. GOD, ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ, WHY DON'T YOU SAY YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT OF ALL FIFTY-SEVEN STATES IN AMERICA WHILE YOU'RE AT IT:

Yikes, indeed! Ocasio-Cortez accidentally called the the White House, the Senate, and the House the "chambers" of Congress, and then she was like oops, and said she meant the "chambers" of government! What A Idiot!

Thankfully, and in the Thanksgiving spirit, Sarah Palin -- America's Official Explainer of Civics Knowledge And Like Such As All Of Them Katie All The Way To Russia Which Is Across The Street From My House, Sometimes If I'm Out Of Moose Jerky I Knock On Russia's Door And Say "Vladimir! Oleg! Mama Got A Hunger She Can't Deny! No, Silly, Not For Rump-Shakin' With Some Russians, I Got Todd For That, 'Cept For When His Dick Is Broke Down Because Of Another 'Snowmobile Accident'! I'm Out Of Moose Jerky!" -- is here to help.

Or rather, Sarah Palin, who once argued that Paul Revere tried to warn the British that they were comin' atcha to take yer guns, is here to mock Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. No, really, that's what Sarah Palin said one time. She said Revere "warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells and making sure as he was riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free." Here, watch it:

Sarah Palin: Paul Revere Warned The British www.youtube.com

HAHAHAHA, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, you big stupidhead!

OK fine, to be completely fair, Sarah Palin's thing about Paul Revere wasn't specifically "civics" stupidity. Should we talk about the time she thought the Vice President was Charles In Charge of the Senate? She said that when she was campaigning for the job of Vice President. What about when she thought the White House had a thing called the "Department Of Law," which she said would have protected her from all those pesky allegations of ethics violations that allegedly forced her to become a half-term quitter governor?

LOL @ Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez!

The ratio for that tweet? Oh baby, it was REAL.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's response on Twitter was pitch perfect:

It's the "FWD:RE:FWD:WATCH THIS" part that made us giggle the most.

Oh well anyway, it's the day before Thanksgiving and we're ready to get the fuck to the grocery store to buy all the everythings (BEER, we like BEER, and also one million food ingredients), so here's your traditional "Sarah Palin Talks Shit While Turkeys Get Ground To Death Head-First" blood porn video, which is NSFW.

The KTUU 2008 Sarah Palin turkey interview www.youtube.com

#NeverForget.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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