Sarah Palin Invites 'Smart Democrats' To Partake Of Her World-Famous Word Salad! (And Trump)
After it became clear last night that Donald Trump is actually going to be the Republican nominee for President of the United States (LOLFOREVER), Sarah Palin posted a clearly unscripted video to her Facebook page. It's hard to tell what she is even talking about in it, but it's quite clear that she is very confident that her traditional, world famous Word Salad would bring all the "Smart Democrats" to Donald Trump's yard.
Thank you Indiana, thanks for all your hard work. To all of you that have believed in making a real difference in our politics and in the way things have been done in the past that have put America in a pretty 'puckarious' position. Thank you so much for supportin' Trump and believing in this idea of being able to Make America Great Again! We're finally on the road to do so, but we do have to unite first.
So GOP, Independents and smart Democrats. Truly it is time to come together, pull together. Remember that united we will stand, our country will stand united. Divided, we're gonna fall. So, now after participating in some really healthy, kinda arduous competition, now, more than ever, it's time to come together and put some differences aside. Stand on principle. That principle that 'yeah, we have opportunity to Make America Great Again.' We've needed a revolution, and we found a revolutionary. So thanks for all your hard work. Congratulations Donald J. Trump! And here we go, on the road, to Make America Great Again.
Ah yes. Let us all unite behind the principle that "yeah, we have opportunity to Make America Great Again." Also, the principles that "the best part of wakin' up is Folgers in your cup," that cotton is the fabric of our lives, that you're in good hands with Allstate, and that, at Burger King, you really can have it your way. Join the TRUE revolution, led by a rich old white dude grumbling about immigrants and menstruating women. He shall be the one to lead us, the one to unite us.
This is definitely a thing that will happen, and not some kind of sad delusion brought on by spoiled moose meat, the Dunning-Krueger effect, and a delusional belief that she, Sarah Palin, and Donald J. Trump are people the majority of Americans agree with and think are not terrible and frightening. Because if you say something enough, it will come true. Even if all the polls show that Trump would lose horribly to Clinton and even worse to Bernie Sanders! Even if all the state-by-state polls show that it would have been incredibly difficult for ANY Republican to get enough electoral votes to win, and that Donald J. Trump has the worst chance of all of them. Even if 70 percent of women hate his guts, and all the non-white people hate his guts! If he and Sarah Palin just keep SAYING that everyone loves him and will unite behind him, surely it will come true.
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse