Black coffee, she needs black coffee. Or another cocktail.

[contextly_sidebar id="evDACV4Xae0nJyWf1jve85fqY1di5VDl"]If your name is Sarah Mama Grizzly Moosedick Palin, you have been a busy little worker bee the past 24 hours! You went on an airplane to Iowa, all the way from up there in Alaska; you got a phone call from your firstborn, Track, from one of Alaska's fine jails saying, "Mama, I did a lady-beatin', but it was on accident like when Bristol gets pregnant!"; and you drunk texted an endorsement speech for your best American hero P.O.W. boyfriend Donald Trump. Whew!

[contextly_sidebar id="N4u12yEIFWN4zwPBk88Mb85FRh4YBWNF"]So it stands to reason that Palin, who likes to quit things in the middle, failed to show up to make Alaskan snow wench sounds at the camera for Wednesday's scheduled Trump rally in Norwalk, Iowa:

That Palin was intended to appear with Trump today seems evident. Tickets for the rally specifically noted a “special guest” appearance, and a Trump campaign press release said Palin would be traveling with Trump to two events on Wednesday. But despite those announcements, Palin did not appear in Norwalk.

The Trump campaign says it DID NOT EITHER promise that its "special guest" would actually show her face on the stage, entirely allowing for the possibility that the plan all along was for Sarah to spend the rally curled up in the fetal position backstage, moaning "ALL OF THEM KATIE?" into a pool of drool puke between her maverick Alaskan knockers. It DOES promise, however, that she will be bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and not at all hammered for the Tulsa rally Wednesday. And yay, according to this tweet, she made it to Oklahoma!

Now, you might be thinking, "Stop saying means, Wonkette! Maybe she wasn't hungover. Maybe she went back to Alaska to give her son, Thumper or whatever he's called, a good talking-to! Maybe she is reading him verses from the Bible she wroted!" You are thinking wrong, of course.

[contextly_sidebar id="Dnylf9gAzHQilKKCWqcbN2662MU6MXHl"]Because Alaska's far away from Iowa and grifter certainly appeared to be fucked the FUCK up last night, and really, who can blame her? She ain't got no job, she can't talk good, her oldest boy beats chicks (allegedly so much allegedly), her oldest girl still ain't know how babies are made, and she and Todd haven't 69'ed each other in their fancy Scottsdale bathtub in like a month, due to how that house is currently on the market and the real estate agent said no more gross stains, OK?

The point is leave her alone, fuckers. You would do the same thing, if you were in her position.

[Gawker]