Sarah Palin Tries To Make Maryland Gubernatorial Election Interesting

Sarah Palin knows that one of the things that makes modern America great is that we don't abidelosers, especially when it comes to politics. Once you've lost, you should just get the hell out and go home, because America is bored with you (unless you lost as a running mate, obviously). Really, how did we manage to stay awake through all those Bryan-McKinley and Eisenhower-Stevenson elections? That's why, in a heroic attempt to save Maryland from the crushing ennui of a gubernatorial race that's a repeat of the one from four years ago, she's endorsed an unelectable right-winger that nobody has ever heard of.

Bob Ehrlich, a relatively moderate Republican with hideous hair, beat RFK's daughter Kathleen Kennedy Townsend in 2002 to become the first Republican governor of Maryland since Spiro Agnew, mostly because Townsend was a pretty terrible candidate. He lost to Baltimore mayor Martin O'Malley (whom you may remember as "Tommy Carcetti" from The Wire) in 2006, and has spent the last four years working sullenly as a talk radio host. He is abrasive and unpleasant, and his "moderation" mostly consisted of being grudgingly pro-choice, so he naturally endorsed Rudy Giuliani in 2008. Now he is running against O'Malley again, because the Maryland GOP doesn't have much of anybody else, and he has a chance of winning, although probably he won't, because he's kind of awful.

ANYWAY obviously Ehrlich's half-assed support of infanticide has led Sarah Palin to endorse Brian Murphy, a nobody running to Ehrlich's right for the Republican nomination. Murphy "has not shown up in polls or had much of an impact on the race," according to the Baltimore Sun. Here is the remarkably non-word-salad endorsement, presumably edited by Murphy's campaign before release:

I’m honored to endorse Brian Murphy for Governor of Maryland. Brian is a pro-life, pro-Second Amendment commonsense conservative and a firm believer in the free market and the cause for energy independence. As a former energy industry executive and current small business owner, Brian has the private sector experience that is so lacking in government today. He knows how to incentivize industry to get our economy moving again. Together with his running mate for lieutenant governor, Mike Ryman, Brian will provide Maryland with principled and results oriented leadership

Oh, right, guns, Ehrlich was wishy-washy on total gun freedom too, because he had to be governor of Baltimore, even though he hated it. Now that Murphy is an honorary "Mama Grizzly," though, his star will rise ever-upward, and he will raise enormous gobs of Palin-money, win next month's GOP primary, and lose to O'Malley by 40 points. Another Palin victory! [Baltimore Sun]


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc