Oh oopsie doncha know a coupla reporters from the LAMESTREAM MEDIA decided to catch up with Sarah Palin to see what she thinks about the original maverick John McCain, who taught her how to be a Double Maverick and also Go Rogue, and how it's pretty sad he's got cancer, but all those people down there in Washington DC up there in the White House keep sayin' John McCain is gonna "die soon" like Bristol's garage full of ex-husbands if Mama Grizzly has anything to do with it -- DON'T QUOTE SARAH PALIN ON THAT -- just because he doesn't like that torture lady Gina Haspel for the CIA.

Well let Sarah Palin tell you, because Sarah Palin knows who is the real torturer, and it's Barack Obama, and also too she knows John McCain was either foolin' or bein' attacked by a ghostwriter goin' rogue in the bad way, when he said in his book that he regretted thrustin' the original Mama Grizzly on to the national stage as his runnin' mate:

'That's not what Sen. McCain has told me all these years, as he's apologized to me repeatedly for the people who ran his campaign – some who now staff MSNBC, the newsroom there, which tells you a lot,' Palin said.

It's true, Nicolle Wallace 'n' Steve Schmidt worked for John McCain and now they're over there at MSNBC, and you know what they say about which newspapers they read over at MSNBC, oh, ALL OF 'EM KATIE, but mostly the liberal ones. But it still hurts Sarah Palin's feelings to hear that, you betcha, it makes her want to drive a snowmobile over the speed limit onto an airplane so she can go up in the air and shoot some wolves, but Willow's always sayin', "Mom, you gotta do your affirmations and probably bail Track outta jail again, you don't have time to worry about what they say on the TV," but Sarah Palin says, "Willow, Mama Grizzly has to see this stuff because of her job, which is having a ghostwriter write special devotional Sarah Palin Bibles and also occasionally putting up a Facebook status," and Willow says, "In what respect, Charlie, do you have a job?" Disrespectful girl never gonna be a successful blogger like Bristol.

'It's not a real fun thing that part of my job is the requirement – is having to read the news every day,' Palin lamented.

But yeah anyway, Sarah Palin knows who wrote "Sarah sux" in John McCain's books, and it was a ghostwriter, because you know how ghostwriters are, they just do your job for you while you're outside jammin' live turkeys into wood chippers and all of a sudden the ghostwriter taps you on the shoulder to say "BOOK'S DONE, MAVERICK ROGUE LADY!" And oh my heavens, good thing you didn't accidentally put the ghostwriter in the wood chipper, but maybe John McCain's ghostwriters should go to there:

'I attribute a lot of what we're hearing and reading regarding McCain's statements to his ghostwriter or ghostwriters,' she explained.

'I don't know all the details of his condition right now. It happens to me also where people speak for me and a bell is rung, and you can't un-ring the bell.'

Sarah Palin's not sure why she interjected that thing about the "details" of McCain's "condition" (terminal brain cancer) right while she was whinin' and complainin' about his ghostwriters, so don't you go thinkin' she was sayin' he mighta wrote those bad things about Sarah Palin because his brain's not workin 'right, because Sarah Palin knows how the liberals always do GOTCHA QUESTIONS to conservatives by writin' down what they say word for word salad-y word.

Anyway it's OK that Sarah Palin ruined John McCain's chances of ever bein' president, they laugh about it all the time, and besides, if Obama hadn't been president during those eight long years of peace and prosperity, millions of Racist-Americans wouldn't've risen up to make Donald Trump the second place winner of being first place in the 2016 election, and now America is great again and so is Sarah Palin.

In conclusion please buy the merchandise in the Sarah Palin store, it's the only true way to heaven, but don't ask Donald Trump about his favorite Bible verse, that's private secret information like a Palin family police report, well, this has been fun, GOODBYE NOW YOU BETCHA!

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[Daily Mail]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Some of our favorite people to follow on Twitter are the wonderful folks who watch Fox News every night and tweet screenshots and videos, so that we never ever EVER have to watch it. (They all work for Media Matters, so presumably they are being forced to do this by David Brock.)

We had a feeling after Pete Buttigieg did that Fox News town hall, and after we watched the MENSA trust at "Fox & Friends" just lose it all morning about Buttigieg's open criticism of Fox News on Fox News, that the evening hosts would really deliver on Monday night, and boy was our feeling correct.

Let's go to the tape, provided by Media Matters deputy director of rapid response Andrew Lawrence.

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Today it was announced that Dress Barn would be closing all 650 of its stores and its business in general. This has been happening a lot lately, as people have begun to do most of their shopping online rather than in stores. Shopko, a department store chain, recently announced it would be closing all of its stores as well.

Then there's the mall store Charlotte Russe, which closed all of its stores in March. I actually worked there in high school, and at Contempo Casuals, which later became Wet Seal, and which closed all of its stores last January (though it's still online). Many other "mall stores" are also either closing entirely or closing a huge chunk of their stores.

Dress Barn was a terrible and oddly insulting-sounding name for a store. The fact that it survived for as long as it did with marketing that bad actually speaks very well for the store itself. If it were not doing an incredibly good job providing many women with what they wanted, clothing-wise, I do not think they would have survived this long. While I can't speak to that personally, since the last time I lived in an area that had one I was 14 years old (though I did get a very nice purple crushed velvet baby-doll dress there for my grandparent's anniversary when I was in 8th grade), a lot of people today are talking about how much they appreciated that they could get nice work clothes there for a reasonable price -- and also in a wide range of sizes. That's awesome. There should be more of that, not less.

But the real problem isn't just people losing a store they like. It's the fact that all of the people working at those 650 stores no longer have jobs–about 6,800 people in total. (And 18,000 employees are losing their jobs at Shopko, which often served towns of 3,000 to 5,000 people, too small for any other store where you could buy, say, socks and a toaster.) And the way things are going, it's going to be pretty hard for them to find jobs in the same line of work. The vast majority of these people, also, are women.

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