Sass-Mouth Barack Obama Sasses The Republicans, Sassily. Your Weekly Top Ten.
Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and whew, what a week we had! Your Wonkette got lost (broken because bad server was bad), but then was found (fixed with a shiny new server!), was blind but now it sees! And you all made that possible! If you have not had a chance, please read our heartfelt THANK YOU for all the moneys you gave us to help us in our time of need.
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Now, we will count down the top stories in a second, and we know so many of you opened up your wallets to help this week, and we love you for that, but the truth is that running this here mommyblog and recipe hub, which occasionally talks about politics, is an ongoing endeavor, and in addition to all the other ways you can help us on a daily basis (helpful guide HERE ), a thing that really helps us out is for regular Wonkers like yourselves to throw us a little money on a regular basis, just so we can keep ourselves lubed up for glory, and also so we Wonkettes, who love you, can continue to eat "food" and stuff. So will you give us a small money, $3 to be exact? Because you love us and also every single Wonkette likes to live "indoors," so help us continue doing that, by throwing us $3. It is a bargain to love us so much it hurts.
WE WILL WAIT WHILE YOU TAKE CARE OF THAT.
Okay, here are your top ten stories of the week. Did you read them? Probably not, because Wonkette was broken. So read them now!
1. Here's your president, Barry Bamz Soetoro Zimbabwe Obama, or whatever his REAL name is, gettin' all sassy-like with the Republicans. We like it when he does that.
2. What is the most "Florida" headline ever? It is here, in last Sunday's Florida Roundup!
3. Donald Trump said he'd be willing to tap Sarah Palin (for a job in his "administration," you pervs), and Wonkette got so excited it yapped like a small dog and then died of an orgasm.
4. For some weird reason Israel didn't find Mike Huckabee's comments helpful, the ones about how Barack Obama and Iran are doing the Holocaust to them.
5. So of course, the most important story in the entire universe last week was about that mean dickhead dentist what killed a lion in Africa. And we wrote about it (EARLY, before the media OUTRAGE happened), and we were mad about it (mostly nicotine withdrawals), but jeez, we guess we found the one thing Americans agree on. People can get killed by police, people can kill the police, people can die from poverty and hunger, and that's all fine, but DON'T FUCK WITH OUR AFRICAN LIONS, which we have never met in person.
6. Known Jewish lady Sarah Silverman defended Planned Parenthood, which made her TOTALLY just like Hitler. A lady on Wonkette's Facebook page ( click here to LIKE! ) did not understand "Wonkette" and "funny" and "read the article for chrissakes!" and requested that we remove the article from the Google. We did not comply with that request.
7. Seattle had a straight pride "parade" and it was just great. There was one parader, and he was very enthusiastic!
8. Go back and relive the fateful day, when Wonkette got broked. It was Wednesday!
9. Military recruiters somehow don't appreciate it when militia types "defend" them, by accidentally shooting stuff.
10. Liberal trolls decided to be hilarious and wonderful and improve a Confederate pride Facebook page, with pictures of old gay dicks and stuff. So helpful, liberals!
So there you go, Wonkers. We taught you very important things this week, even when we were broken, and you helped us not be broken anymore, and now we are back to our regularly scheduled programming. And seriously, THANK YOU.
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Okay, now we are going to spend the rest of our Sunday doing either Something or Absolutely Nothing, haven't decided yet. You all do the same! See you Monday and stuff.
Love,
Wonkette
She's certainly been plastered too many times.
The funniest part?
http://freebeacon.com/natio...
Cotton "hits back" at the whitehouse by posting this video that shows a bunch of politicians either saying they don't know what the "side deals" are, have never heard of any, state that there aren't any or aren't even talking about any deals.
And then he tries to accuse the whitehouse of "deflecting" when they can't even keep a story straight....even though the collective of those clips imply that there is no secret or side deal that anyone knows about or has heard about (and who's to know what "side deals" are those that are being referenced in the clip anyway? The clip itself sure doesn't say).
Weirdly enough Cotton doesn't point out that this attempt of his doesn't really back up his claims that he DOES indeed have information on the "Iran secret deals" that he got from Vienna, in fact if anything, it's like this response itself is a DEFLECTION from his Vienna claims, in the same way one tries to deflect from being unable to answer a question by calling the questioner a "poopy head".
As for that supposed information from Vienna? Still secret or so our Master Spy himself claims. For some reason he won't reveal what those "secret deals" are because somehow it would "damage America" (and if so what's the point of going all the way to get ammunition for opposing the Iran policy when you end up not even being able to use it).
Or maybe he's going to only release this information when he gets paid ONE MILLION DOLLARS!