Satanic Venom, Demon Clones And Other Normal Things The Right's Been On About This Week

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Satanic Venom, Demon Clones And Other Normal Things The Right's Been On About This Week
They Live (1988)

This week, Person I Honestly Have No Good Way Of Succinctly Describing Stew Peters debuted a documentary called "Watch The Water," all about how COVID is actually caused by snake venom that was put in the water by the Vatican as part of an evil Catholic plot to put Satan's DNA in everyone. This, of course, is a very important scientific discovery from chiropractor/acupuncturist Dr. Bryan Ardis.

The title itself was taken from Q drop (though Peters claims to not be a Q person) that devotees have been trying to "decode" for years now, and Dr. Ardis uses much of the same unassailable logic to assert his theory that they use to explain that JFK Jr. is still alive and people eat babies. For instance, he explained that the word "virus" means "venom" in Latin and "corona" means crown, so calling it coronavirus was the Vatican's way of secretly signalling to us all that it is actually a "King Cobra Venom Pandemic." Now, sure — coronavirus is a term that has been used since 1965 to refer to a particular family of viruses — but who is to say that the Vatican hasn't been planning ahead?


Dr. Ardis explains:

If I was going to do something incredibly evil, how ironic would it be that the Catholic Church, or whoever, would use the one symbol of an animal that represents evil in all religion? … You take that snake or that serpent, and you figure out how to isolate genes from that serpent and get those genes of that serpent to insert itself into your God-given created DNA. I think this was the plan all along; to get the serpent’s—the Evil One’s—DNA into your God-created DNA. And they figured out how to do this with this mRNA [vaccine] technology. They’re using mRNA—which is mRNA extracted from I believe the king cobra venom—and I think they want to get to that venom inside of you and make you a hybrid of Satan.

Well that just seems very plausible — though perhaps a little awkward for Catholic anti-vaccine conspiracy theorists who are perhaps just now finding out how their comrades in arms feel about them.

In hopes of bolstering the documentary's credibility, Stew Peters welcomed Dr. Stella "Demon Sperm" Immanuel to his show to discuss the theory. The good doctor helpfully explained that there are demon clones everywhere, and that she regularly sees demons just walking down the street like regular people.

Dr. Immanuel, whose wisdom has been praised by Donald J. Trump, then compared it to the 1980s John Carpenter documentary They Live.

And this was all with a straight face. Of course, given that she has previously asserted that the country is run by Reptilians, that doctors are using alien DNA in medical experiments and that endometriosis is caused by having sex with demons in one's sleep, so she's had some practice.

There is something that feels intrinsically wrong about mocking her or even about mocking Stew Peters or the guy who thinks the Pope is trying to turn everyone into a Satan-human-hybrid, because under normal circumstances we would just hope that they get the psychological help they need.

That being said, there is a whole information ecosystem that exists now in which one need not have a delusional disorder to believe these kinds of things, and it's one that is making people actively dangerous by convincing them not to get vaccinated. So we're really doing a public service by being as clear as possible that "demon clones" are not a thing and neither is Satanic gene therapy.

This is now your open thread!

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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