Save Us, John McCain, You're Our Only Hope! (Wait, Did We Just Say That?)

haha usually when we post this picture we are mad at him

For those worried a Republican Congress might just rubber-stamp whatever "President" Donald Trump wants to do around the world, there are a couple of rays of hope! Sen. Rand Paul had one of his very occasional moments of sanity when he said Tuesday that neither mustachio-ed warmonger John Bolton nor seething angerball Rudy Giuliani would be a good fit for secretary of State, and thus he would not support them. Good job, Rand Paul, we will hold you to that, by calling your office on the phone all the time in the middle of the night, and reminding you to keep your "principles" intact, if Trump nominates one of those goons!

And now Sen. John McCain has weighed in on Donald Trump's explicitly stated desire to get all cozy and braid hair and talk about pussy-grabbing with Vladimir Putin. On Tuesday, Trump and Putin had some sort of sexxx chat, and also on Tuesday, Sen. McCain, who serves as chair of the Senate's Armed Services Committee, was like "THE FUCK YOU SAY" and "FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN!" and "WALNUTS!!!!1!" all rolled up in to one, as he issued a statement on the future of U.S.-Russian relations:

“Vladimir Putin has rejoined Bashar Assad in his barbaric war against the Syrian people with the resumption of large-scale Russian air and missile strikes in Idlib and Homs. Another brutal assault on the city of Aleppo could soon follow.

“With the U.S. presidential transition underway, Vladimir Putin has said in recent days that he wants to improve relations with the United States. We should place as much faith in such statements as any other made by a former KGB agent who has plunged his country into tyranny, murdered his political opponents, invaded his neighbors, threatened America’s allies, and attempted to undermine America’s elections.

MEOW. McCain added that the last time we tried to "reset" relations with Russia, it went very poorly (THANKS OBAMA AND HILLARY), and concluded by saying, "When America has been at its greatest, it is when we have stood on the side of those fighting tyranny." Get it, Trump? If you want to Make America Great Again, you have to fight tyranny, wherever you find it. SPOILER ALERT, you will find it in Russia, and you also might find it if you look in the gold-plated mirror in the master boudoir at Trump Tower!

(By the way, also pushing back against Trump's deep need to cuddle with Vladimir Putin while they watch "Stranger Things" and fondle each other on the down theres? Pretty much all of Europe.)

McCain has been kind of a cranky old Werther's-addicted canary in the coal mine with Russia, actually. Way back in 2001, then-new president George W. Bush famously looked into Vladimir Putin's eyes and saw his soul, and was just pretty sure they were going to be BFFs. Did not happen! In 2007, early in McCain's presidential campaign, he too gazed into the dead eyes of Putin, and instead of seeing a good old-fashioned soul, he saw “three things -- a K and a G and a B." (For the record, Barry Bamz Obama was not seeing great things in Putin's black soul during that campaign either.)

Out of all these folks, we gotta say John McCain was the right-est of all, even if he is kind of a trigger-happy warmonger. Also, he is not A Idiot. So maybe there is hope that, if Trump tries to do something really crazy, like replace the 4th of July with National American Lick Vladimir Putin's Balls And Taint Day, or wants to give Putin our nuclear codes, John McCain can be a Republican who will stand athwart him and say "Not on my goddamn watch, GRRRRRRR!"

[Jammakain's website]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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