Tucker Carlson Explains Cold Weather Breaks Wind

Hot -- or perhaps very chilly -- on the heels of Jim Hoft's proclamation that solar energy doesn't work in the cold, because the sun is hiding and left us all alone, Tucker Carlson used his television program Thursday to explain that wind power is also a "scam," and that the wind actually cannot heat anyone's house in extreme cold. He didn't go into any detail on why that is, but it's only logical, isn't it? The weather report never includes a wind WARM factor, now does it? Science! Why don't you liberals LEARN IT!

A 30-second clip of the craziest part of the segment was roundly (like a windmill!)mocked all over the Twitters, but to make sure we didn't miss any of the stupid, we watched the whole four minutes and felt ourselves getting dumber by the second. Here's Tucker, taking the "wind out of the sails" of those nutball liberals pushing the "Green New Deal."

There is a whole lotta stupid in this thing! Tucker was so eager to get to bashing the idea that we could ever live without beautiful, beautiful coal and oil that he barely even managed to mock the very existence of climate change, simply noting sarcastically that once the Polar Vortex and its -30 temperatures (in American Fahrenheit degrees, mind you) go away, "Climate change will continue, as it always has."

Oh, but that scary Green New Deal means Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wants to eliminate fossil fuels within a dozen years! (Carlson neglects to mention that's about all the time we have left to avoid climate catastrophe.) Obviously, it would be a disaster!!!

Let's consider what it would mean for the United States.

No fossil fuels would mean no coal, no oil, and no natural gas. And that would mean no cars and no airplanes. It would mean shutting down the single most vibrant part of the entire US economy, which is the energy sector. It would mean putting at least six million Americans out of work immediately.

Or maybe it would mean cars and airplanes that don't run on fossil fuels, although clearly such a thing is simply impossible. Yr Wonkette acknowledges a full changeover to non-petro fuels is pretty unlikely within a decade, which is why maybe we should have started this in earnest in the 1980s when Exxon was busy suppressing its own science and the scientific community had already been warning about it for rather a while. In fact, nearly a century, since 1896, when Svante Arrhenius first calculated the effect of C02 on global temperatures. Probably because he was hooked on research grants and wanted to impose socialism (Arrhenius was Swedish, after all).

We do sort of like Tucker's angryface when he says the mean socialists just want us to bicycle everywhere because there will never be cars or airplanes again. Then he gets to the meat of the crazy where he soberly informs us IT'S IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE SCIENCE:

What's so interesting about this is that the party of science somehow forgot to consult actual scientists about their plan. Talk to someone who studies energy and see for yourself. We are nowhere near being able to do any of this.

We'll assume Carlson doesn't mean atmospheric scientists (who are literal "Air Heads," get it?). Naw, he's undoubtedly talking about real scientists, like Tom Pyle, president of the oil industry-funded Institute for Energy Research, who proclaimed converting to carbon-free energy is quite literally impossible: "One hundred percent renewable energy defies the laws of physics. It would be impossible to achieve." You see, he knows energy and physics, because he has a bachelor's degree in political science and has always worked as an oil lobbyist, except for when he helped set energy policy on Donald Trump's transition team.

And it just goes without saying that no new jobs could possibly be created in green industry, because how do wind and sunlight even make jobs? They're just there, and it is a science fact you cannot dig them up or put them on a train that derails and explodes, spilling wind and sunlight into the rivers for miles.

Anyhoo, let's get to the very best science of all, from Professor Carlson!

Wind power is a scam. It's an elaborate ripoff perpetuated on impoverished rural America by a few heavily subsidized corporations that are getting rich from making the landscape uglier. Solar is a promising technology, actually. But we're still far from being able to efficiently store the energy it produces -- and storage is key in a power grid.

As evidence that wind power is a scam, Carlson said "Wind power is a scam" and then changed the subject. But he returned to it with the keen scientific insight of a guy who's heard Donald Trump go "pew pew!" while pretending birds were wreaking feathery revenge on wind turbines:

How well is wind power going to heat your house when it's 30 below? What is the range, exactly, on those new solar passenger jets? Well, they don't know and they don't care because none of it applies to them. It never does.

You heard it from Tucker Carlson, Man of Science: In very cold weather, the wind only makes you colder. Don't believe it? Go outside when it's windy and see if you get warmer. Besides, if wind power were even real, they would probably be using it in Alaska, which they do not, which is why this Science Channel video about wind power in Alaska does not even exist and you cannot watch it.

Also, all the liberals will secretly hoard oil, to burn when you're not looking, because they are all rich hypocrites who hate you.

Which means it is time for your OPEN THREAD of RICH HYPOCRITICAL HATE!

[Fox News / HuffPo]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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