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GOP Candidate Says He Only Wanted To Stomp On Opponent's Face With 'Golf Spikes' METAPHORICALLY.

2018 State and Local Elections

Scott Wagner, the Republican candidate for Governor of Pennsylvania, posted a video to Twitter on Friday morning in which he announced his desire to step on opponent Tom Wolf's face with his golf spikes -- which could only have been a more Republican way of threatening someone if he did it while eating a cucumber sandwich.


Golf spikes, for everyone else here who is me, are spikey things that go on the bottom of your shoes to help you do golf stuff, I guess (I had to Google).

Between this and all the Proud Boys beating the shit out of people, I must say -- Republicans are great at this civility stuff! Surely, they could teach us a thing or two.

Alas, after some harsh criticism (from the Left -- the civility lovers on the Right were largely silent) Wagner decided to take down the video from his page, and has since released a video apologizing for using a "bad metaphor."


Hold on, give me a moment to clutch my pearls and respond to this as if I were a Republican pundit and he were a Democrat.

This has really gotten out of control! These Republicans don't even care that stomping on someone's face with golf spikes is illegal, and to say that you want to do such a thing to a sitting Governor is so horrifying and disrespectful! Not to mention divisive! So divisive! Is this what Wagner thinks of us? Does he really think that all of us deserve to have our faces stomped on? Is this really the country we want to live in?

And then all of you would go out and burn your golf spikes. Or something. It would all be very dramatic and we would scream about it for an entire week, and run 85,000 thinkpieces on how the Right loves violently stomping on people with golf spikes. In fact, we might even point out that later in the day, after Wagner's video, a bunch of Republican thugs did, in fact, gang up on people and kick them in the face.

That is what we would all do. Instead, we'll just shrug this one off because it's not even the most abhorrent thing said by a Republican in the last two days.

[Twitter]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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Good morning, America! Attorney General Bill Barr is doing a presser at 9:30 AM EDT about the Mueller report, which nobody will be able to see until around noon or after, once Congress gets the redacted report on CDs. Seeing as that is bullshit, there's no reason to watch this thing, as journalists won't be able to ask him questions about a document they haven't seen. So ... go back to bed, everyone!

Ugh, fine, we guess we will do this, and that is because we care, even though we are quite certain HGTV is doing some kind of very important "Property Brothers" marathon that adds much more of value to the national discourse, and also covers it up with shiplap accent walls. Does Bill Barr do cover-ups with shiplap? No, because he doesn't have the good taste for that.

Reportedly, we are going to hear from Barr why certain things were redacted, including why he thinks certain facts are subject to executive privilege, which is funny because he is not the president and therefore cannot invoke executive privilege. But oh whatever! Details! Robert Mueller won't be there and none of his team will be there, which tells you something about how they feel about this whole process. If they felt like this was on the up-and-up, you'd imagine they might show up to present a united front. As that is not happening, assume the entire thing is a bullshit act meant to help Donald Trump set the narrative for what will otherwise be a very bad day for him.

The New York Times reported last night that the White House has already been briefed on significant portions of the report, because Bill Barr is a rightwing scam artist piece of shit who gives the Trump White House reacharounds. The briefings have reportedly been very helpful for the White House in coming up with how to rebut today's report, which is funny because we thought Trump said this report was a full exoneration, NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION. (Actually nope on both counts, since Mueller didn't decide the obstruction question, and even according to Barr's mash notes, he took a very limited view of the conspiracy question, focusing on the Russian government's hack and dump WikiLeaks operation.)

Anyway, assuming Trump is right about full exoneration, we guess Rudy Giuliani's rebuttal will state that Trump is guilty, full stop. Because that's what "rebuttal" means, correct?

Committee chairs in the House including Jerry Nadler, Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters have called upon Bill Barr to cancel today's briefing, as it is useless horseshit. Because Barr literally gives zero fucks about his reputation and apparently is OK with going down in history as a fecal stain on our institutions and the rule of law, the show will go on.

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Now What? Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 18, 2019

Bill Barr's book report, the NRA is doomed, and Johnny Cash will watch over the Capitol. Your morning news brief!

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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